" it's going to be "

---

another migraine throbbing in my head like an expanding mass of pressure and agony pressing upon the inner walls of my skull. the brain pan flexing and almost splitting at the seams. my eyes feel so tight and flush that with them closed, the world turns into shattered glass rainbow stars. a deep sleep could not come soon enough.

the sun is out and i feel fantastic. a crisp gust of winer air whips past my flush cheeks, and out of doors, it smells of the woods in a deep forest. underneath my boots and with each step, i can hear the rough gravel crunch of freshly fallen snow. i shade my eyes as i look upwards into the clear blue. and my soul flies.

i am alone in a wide empty space. everything is absolutely fine.

tonight's homework:

go for it. what's the worst that could happen?

---

 

" purging the rest "

---

hot-faced and tongue-tied. all of the words i always meant to say and didn't out of fear, and out of shame for my feelings, but mostly fear. my body burned with a dousing melancholy.

and i don't ever want to go through those moments again. the ones which were horribly awkward on my part for remaining silent instead of saying something, anything, but mostly something at all.

how much i've loved, how much i have been scared in my life, how much i am committed to everything, how much i have to give, how much i trust, and believe, and hope, and have heart heavy with a full-weight. it's a lot to express, and it's a lot to take in.

and now it's now. heartache was heartache, heartbreak was heartbreak, the echoes of which are still present, but how strong the heart; how resilient the heart has become.

i have certainly made mistakes for sure, and have regrets of course. all those missed opportunities, all of those bewildering times spent searching, pining, and never quite locating the space to place the emotions.

but these haunting memories of the past do not have to dictate the course of my life, or the tone of this sonata. it's just the overture, and this time, in this moment, i can find the words.

this time, only out of a fear of that potential for a silence and the potential for that shame, will i never exist there for anyone again. it is difficult to be the one who has to find the courage to break a self-imposed spell. perhaps it always seems so easy because it's always just a possibility instead of an actuality. when you skirt risk, anyone can believe they are brave.

but i am finding that courage for myself. and for the improved quality of future interaction with anyone i may come into close contact with. there are always first steps to bettering the quality of your life.

tonight's homework:

put in the time and effort to continuously advance your happiness, and the gladness of others. not a second wasted, and all the rewards to gain.

---

 

" bundle up "

---

get your ish together and feel free to proceed and crush it. i know i've been reflecting, reminiscing, pining, dreaming, and wishing lately, but now's the time we're gonna rally.

now is a great time to gather all your materials, ready your tools, and hone your skills. whether the time of year where actual snow and sleet gather at your windows, or you are in more temperate climes, it's never a bad idea to do some tidying up and prep.

kick off your shoes, roll up your pant legs, and get gruff. it's going to be one hell of a sprint, and i know we've been holding back all year long. dig your toes in, and whenever you feel ready, take that first stride.

tonight's homework:

eat something simple, light, and healthful. shower thoroughly, wash your face, broth them pearly whites, and go to bed early. there's so much more to go, and you need your rest.

---

 

" best of luck & well wishes "

---

though the road is clear, there are many unknowns. best of luck out there in the wilds of the west. you take away the dreams and hopes of many for your continued successes.

and love as guide and northstar to all great things. lean forward into the wind, and allow your ship's sails to navigate full and true.

even though we live in the continued age of technology and communications, i wish for you to have multitudes of true in-person fascinating conversations with people who will help you realize your projects and realize goals.

many well wishes again, and all my best.

tonight's homework:

make preparations for the coming of the rest of your life.

---

 

" continuity "

---

at the year's close and some things remain the same; paying the rent, purchasing film before mending my boots. the cold has returned as winter slips in past autumn like a sly white fox.

each day a renewal, each moment an opportunity to do better, be better, shine brighter, and make sure that all those i care for are moving forward as well.

just understanding, prosperity, a passion for existing, being creative, helpful and observant at all times, humble in your successes, ravenous in your hunger for improvement, and all things beneficial.

if it is a good thing, it bears repetition. we restate our truths aloud and reassert our actions to solidify their importance. over and over and again and again. what we do has weight which is less a burden than a release. and such a lightness when you are seen, heard, understood, felt, and that energy is reciprocated back.

we find ourselves in the presence of boundless opportunity, and i will do all i can to spend these last couple weeks reflecting on the greatness that was this year. reveling in the accomplishments, reconnecting with my touchstones, and reaffirming my strengths for the year ahead.

tonight's homework:

go over your checklist for this past year, and see how many boxes have been ticked, and what actions you could take to check the remaining things-to-do. you can do it!

---

 

" trustfall "

---

just many thanks all around. so many people have lent to me a brief moment of their precious time, in order for me to indulge in one of my interests.

of course it seems to be the most impactful in my life, and of course it is the one made more powerful when someone is on the other side of the lens.

and of course i am eternally, endlessly, humbly grateful for all collaborators, sitters, participants, and kindred spirits. such sublime joys with each shutter click. such calm. such potent magic.

i hope that all whomever choose to sit for me, takes away with them a  sense of contentment, accomplishment, and delight. such simple pleasures and exchanges; therein lies such an alloy whereby we are both better for invoking a mutual creative curiosity.

tonight's homework:

make something. a moment, a physical object, a plan, a wish come true.

---

 

" to the end of the platform "

---

here in a flash, gone in a bolt of lightning. we spend so much of our time in the in between. those moments where we are in front of a mirror grooming, or just walking from here to there, or all the time it takes to clip our toenails, or the eons brushing our teeth.

all of them perhaps inelegant, but incredibly necessary. not every second of this life can be masterful, life-altering, or revelatory, but we experience our ups and downs, our proud successes, and our at-rest downtimes.

no breath wasted if it means we push forward, take care of ourselves, make sure our family and friends are well-off, healthy, helped out, and we all make progress.

another year coming hard and fast to the finish line. every moment precious, and each passing minute filled with potential for amazing things to happen.

tonight's homework:

almost midnight on the east coast, and little time left in this day. take a moment, a quiet moment, say your prayers for those who are here with us, and for those who are gone but not forgotten. take a moment for those in the world without, who struggle, and take one for the survivors. count your blessings, and pay it forward.

---

 

" safe passage "

---

just know that i will do my best to be communicative. those silences are just pauses before the words. sometimes i just need some time to formulate the thoughts; i don't want to be anything less than thoughtful in my transmission.

i am wishing for more laughter than argument, more sharing than bitterness, more close whispers than distant staring into the distances.

every intention good and truthful, every action and reaction a result of care and attention to the details. and always looking forward to the honored revelry in those tandem moments where time begins to slip into just one elongated ceaseless golden joy, expansive, enveloping, and unyielding.

tonight's homework:

make a promise to yourself. one to be brass-bound and steadfast. a code of honor, a point of pride, an unshakable decree.

---

 

" sunbeams through the branches "

---

dear moms,

you who has born me into the word, who has nourished me, sacrificing both time, money, hopes and dreams for me. a great many thanks into infinity. there are no words, there are no words.

there are always words.

a true definition of grace, charm, beauty, and perpetual inspiration. you made sure i would be a thoughtful, caring, loving, and empathetic person in the world. and i have great hopes that i am doing great in that role. it is one i am very proud to up old and broadcast.

our moments together these days, however short in time, echo and resound long after we say our goodbyes. i am one of your loving sons, and i am a being of light, kindness, reciprocity, and have a wealth of tools for good at my disposal due to your dutiful instruction.

many blessing to you now that you are back home so many miles away, and i wish you continued health, happiness, fulfillment, laughter, adventure, and a sublime sense of peaceful calm.  all my love,

your son

tonight's homework:

let someone know how you feel. we gain nothing by holding it all in.

---

 

" shadows, whispers, and smiles "

---

sinking down into the seats, the murmurs of so many patrons begins to rise and fall. the spaces in between counterpoised by fits of laughter and the shuffling of feet upon the carpeted floors.

above, it seems someone has captured, and harvested distant star-forms, and found a way to have them clustered and fastened to the ceiling. i see their dazzling arrays glisten in the wide dim of the house, and the tones begin to chime.

everyone hushes and returns to their seats as the enveloping golden lights fade into a silky blackness. a spotlight begins to glow upon the heavy embroidery of the stage's massive curtains.

a conductor enters and is met with appreciation. the overture begins brisk and bold, like hard and fast raindrops striking copper cookware. the music eases and sighs into the end of the refrain. the drapery is drawn upwards in a slow steady reveal, and the audience gasps then applauds, and we find ourselves underway.

tonight's homework:

research and learn one new thing which will benefit you for years to come. a theorem, a scientific truth, a form of meditation, an instrument or phrases of a song.

---

 

" the long ache "

---

the dreams which turn into feelings upon waking, with no description in words, only gradients of color. how to translate such full-on emotions? through confusion until daylight takes away the images?

for that shifting moment between the storyline ending and the turmoil of returned awakedness, there lies a beautiful vast valley of endless possibility. canyons of thought with multiple delta'd rivers streaking through the depths of their formations.

this is that pining for understanding while navigating. this is that electric sparkle which pops and whizzes about like shattered stars. this is that dark magic finding shape amongst flashes of brilliance.

tonight's homework:

attempt to discern the form your dreams come together and dissipate. these are important experiences to note; each moment valid, and each memory archived for a later time.

---

 

" giving up the ghost "

---

with so much time dedicated to the pinpoint precision curation of your character, wouldn't it have just been easier to be yourself? it's not that hard, and it's the most hard. to live without ego or artifice, to have less sheen and more substance, to actively and continuously be that version of yourself which is truthful, open, kind, honest and real.

or none of those listed attributes, but in the least have your primary persona be your only one.

it gets tiring to wear and exchange masks all the time; to live your life behind the perceived expectations of friends, family, and numerous faceless strangers.

you can reset your entire life by being more parallel to who you are, and ultimately that is the more interesting person whom i would like to meet and interact with. the one who speaks from the heart, tells inappropriate jokes in crowded trains, who dances and sings their favorites, celebrates minor accomplishments with pie, and on and on.

it would be so much easier to be that shade of yourself which remained the most consistent hues and tonalities, but flexed the parameters of the spectrum which includes gained knowledge, life experience, lessons learned and taught, and all great conversations.

we are complex organisms struggling to make order out of this seemingly chaotic flux of it all, so it is perfectly understandable that you have to meander through versions of yourself to see where your circle peg fits in which square holes.

the fun part is to discover that you may be a rhombus or have existed as a multi-faceted dodecahedron the whole time. and i for one really am excited to see just how you will gleam and genuflect in the discovery of your true nature.

tonight's homework:

spend ten minutes doodling without a goal or end game. it really releases stress and gives your wandering mind something to focus on.

---

 

" front focus "

---

although you feel at times that many aspects of your daily life is out of alignment, how hard have you tried to adjust those discrepancies? nothing ever just works out, smooths itself over, happens for nothing, or chips fall where they may.

there can and should be some hand in the events which color our existence. we do not have to linger idly in between the light and shadows of situations. we can have opinions, speak our desires, own and express feelings, and push our agendas to the fore.

of course you must understand too that when you feel your utmost, at the top of your game, this does not guarantee that others will be in sync with you, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

have a plan, make a move, learn a skill, share a trade, cultivate knowledge, wisdom, viewpoints, passion, loves, stories, and free yourself from fitting back and forth from your Self. you have to allow yourself the permission to be honest at all times.

tonight's homework:

some people say you cannot really choose the elements of your happiness without a dash of fate and faith in magic, but maybe those people are more wizard than living example. you go out and implement your own life's desires in a manner most conducive to your elongated and sustained elation. no one gains anything from your unwarranted silence.

---

 

" dreammaking "

---

knowing that secret talent flourishing inside, and wanting to share it with the world.

the bold truth of your honed skills are teetering on the surface of recognition, and though fears and trepidation may cause you to hold back, don't grant it that power over you.

have a belief and a courage. know that without your voice in the world, there is less of a conversation. know that when you keep your wisdom, experience, and personal story out of the world, we as a people will miss out for it never being fully realized.

tonight's homework:

cross the threshold into the spotlight, and prepare to shine and defend your work in equal parts.

---

 

" i am listening "

---

eyes forward, facing with a full attention. i am here for you if you need of me.

ears and heart wide open with the angles aligned.

i await the signal to find clarity to this white noise.

tonight's homework:

get your signal's straight, or straighten out the signal for someone else.

---

 

" second chances "

---

a held breath before the curtain lifts. eyes shut closed loosely; the glimmers of the footlights entering though the lids like shimmers on a low tide.

all life's a stage, and we blessed lot merely its players. ole bill shakes would scoff at the reimagining, but the line holds steady and taut through our trials.

i'll hold your hand through it all, thick thin, sideways, upside down, and backwards. these are the moments in our life where we throw down, step up, become better than our best version of ourselves.

we make promises and attempt never to bend or break them. believe in the power of those oaths, and in your ability to succeed. whether heartbreak, heartache, or heart-make, we will do our utmost.

tonight's homework:

forgive forgive forgive, but never forget. we're trying to do right.

---

Β 

 

" blind spot navigations "

---

you can see your reflection in others, and more so in their reactions and expressions. your loved ones, both family and friends alike hold such a mirror up to our lives, that at times we adore the mirror, at times we fear the mirror, and sometimes we forget the mirror is there at all.

it's in the glint, the glimpse, the refraction, the flash, the spark, the observation and the meditation. to see into yourself is a great opportunity, and one we forget to do on a more regular basis.

we believe ourselves to be so strong without weakness, hale without illness, sound without influence. we need the echoes, the feedback loops, and the intermittant errant frequencies to disrupt our white noise eyeshades.

we need the helpful criticism, the reviews, the reality checks to keep us faithful to the promise of ourselves to become more realized. i ache for definition amongst the jagged edges.

tonight's homework:

learn o to cook a recipe which you've until now stayed away from out of fear that you don't have it in you to succeed. it takes a leap of faith, no matter how seemingly small the project. you are going to do great, and it will be delicious.

---

 

" tippy tippy tap tap "

---

cold winds blowing right through the layers. the doors attempt to keep you out with the vacuum created from the heat inside. the windows are dripping with condensation.

indoors, the waft of beers and bodies penetrate the nostrils. the cacophony of laughter, yelling orders, conversations, and amplified music crackle and rupture all ear drums to the delight of all. there are tiny dogs winding their way through the shuffling legs.

first craft brew in hand like a block of ice, and only a few steps past the plink plonk plunk weeooeeooeeoo of the newly fixed pinball machine, everything opens up like a lush garden of delights. all smiling faces all looking, all heralding your arrival with raucous energies.

nothing like the overwhelming wave of happiness which parallels that first slug of ale. tonight is going to be fantastic.

tonight's homework:

enjoy yourself, high-five all your friend, and talk to strangers all night long.

---

 

" closer than a whisper "

---

the ole straight and narrow, the golden rule, doing unto others, and the many ways we navigate the seas of morality and ethics. i an see the lapses, the blunders, and the shortcomings of my fellow human beings. but is it enough to observe? is it "right" to actively engage and "correct" society to my own interpretations of these practices?

probably not.

the one thing that has been the most frustrating and heart-heavy in this life has been when to act, and when to hold back.

i feel like i speak and express a lot towards the idea of that tedious balance between the extremes of silent, invisible pure observation and awe, and the active engagement of our Selves in situations greater than our expectations.

to have seen something which is so moving, and then to attempt to be a part of it. or to see something so tragic, and know that your involvement will alleviate the pain of someone else, even to one's own detriment mentally, physically, and perhaps to the ruin of your reputation.

it's a fine line, but to see is a burden, to know is a burden, to have faith in something anything is in of itself a potential burden. but what a release when you do the right thing. what a rush, what a curse lifted, what a complete and utter sense of satisfaction, pride, joy, and contentment could be had by extending your sense of humanity beyond the confines of your physical space.

every great helpful and beneficial act is always such a short distance away, that we should find our courage, and pledge to be of service to one another. to actively stay impartial does everyone you love a disservice. 

tonight's homework:

this is not a call to arms or a judgement on your character. there are always many permutations of inputs and outcomes. above all, have good intentions, think before acting, and take care to keep yourself and others out of harm's way as much as possible.

---

 

" better with practice "

---

give your all, pass or fail, try, tray again.

they can see you attempting, suffering, and getting frustrated. but do not linger too long here.

the road is seemingly ceaseless, the obstacles numerous. we cannot always protect you to the best of our abilities.

but we are here, in spirit if not in form. there is no need for hesitation amidst the fear, nor inaction in the face of challenges. 

we are the bringers of advancement, mind, body, and spirit.

tonight's homework:

let people know that you require help if you need of it, and to scram politely the eff away when you are mending and self-sufficient. mostly it a great thing to be communicative. no one will know what you need, unless you have an exchange of mood or information.

---