" while i was away "

---

this weeks's homework:

stretch out those eyes, arms, legs, heart, spirit and soul. see you soon.

---

 

" consider yourself a point of light "

---

we take our chances, on ourselves and on others. first to depend on the Self to form its own truth, its own direction, its own sense of being. second to depend on others to provide safety, support, sanctuary, and sometimes a place to thrive.

the dark night becomes a blazing morning, becomes a sumptuous evening becomes a twilight.

whither we go, out into the world. we fill our hearts with the galaxy, and take in the energies of forming nebulas. our cells and atoms ache for creation, expansion, decay, and regeneration. 

we are the land clutching to the surface of this planet, unable to forget or let go.

we are the oceans whose vast and voluminous waters caress and clutch to the land like a deep longing.

we are the skies and heavens glistening and beaming, whose bright light extends around all things who will face it.

we are the animals, insects, flora, and fauna. we inhabit the planet with our presence, and reverberate through time, infinite and pulsing.

tonight's homework:

tonight's homework will become the week and a couple days homework, as i am off to seek beauty and truths in far flung places. the task at hand is to challenge yourself. in all matters.

take it upon yourself to start something, anything creative and in support of expression. inspire someone or be inspired, and share it with anyone who would listen. do that for me, for yourself, and it returns to you tenfold.

take care of yourself, and i'll share some of my travels in the place of my normal posts, until i return. 

---

 

" dancing like a promise "

---

don't worry about it. no one is even looking at you.

you think everyone in the world is slowly turned towards you, regarding you, judging you, and what you say has immediate meaning and sentiment. perhaps it is not true, and perhaps it is all true.

if you begin like this, you will fail. you must have patience, humility, grace, strength of character, and ultimately a voice.

don't make it your voice, if you are using someone else's melody. don't sing the song and claim it as yours; recognize the origin of things, and recognize those who came before us.

they say to dance like no one is watching.

live your life like no one is watching. to do anything else opens a door for scrutiny which can cripple creativity.

no one is watching, yet.

live that life.

tonight's homework:

get a haircut you hippie, or in the least, take a shower and don't forget to be liberal with the soap.

---

 

" time slows down: a dream "

---

the fourth dimension rears and buckles as the walls of the structure rumble and shake. you're looking around to find that all of the lamps are not operational. there is a blackness beyond any blackness you've before experienced. you are alone.

you're sitting on the floor on a pillow facing a single beam of light. well, not a beam, but more like a tall strand of light, thin and luminous and in striking contrast to the infinite nothingness. you begin to walk towards this stalk of light energy, seemingly standing aloft with no help or visible field supporting or shaping it.

it seems as if you've been walking forever, and the goal of determining what that light is, is beginning to fade. what time is it? what day is it? what year is it? forward momentum has either ramped up, stalled to a lull, or ceased to exist at all.

all of a sudden,  there are voices..voices all around. you think they're hostile at first, because of the distance, but as you quiet your mind, you notice that they're closer, surrounding you. they are right next to your face. they are whispering.

you are running toward the light sliver, and it is beginning to grow brighter and brighter. at a full pace, you are closing in on it. the top of it elongating now upwards and beyond comprehension. the width of it expanding, losing its rigidity, and now spilling open like water flowing from a burst dam.

you are bathed in light, and the whispers combine and nestle into one sweet soft voice.

the curtains slide open, and the sunlight of a full morning is beginning to slip up from the horizon, from the sill, and into the room. there are tinges of blues, pinks, purples, and a flare of orange licking the sky. you feel her breath in your ear as she whispers good morning.

you're awake, and you are beyond time.

tonight's homework:

don't bother setting an alarm if you're going to snooze your life away. make a decision and do your best to stick to it.

---

 

" and then it all comes together "

---

fresh curtains swaying in the breeze of a morning; the windows opened wide, and the early chill to the day warming with the rise of the glowing sun.

a shower in the early afternoon, right as the best slices of sunbeams are spilling in through the window. warm rays dance and are refracted in the shower-spray, causing a fireworks display of water droplets which burst with energy, then drizzle down along the tiled walls.

all of the cereal in the bowl remains crunchy with a little sweet milk sheen over each piece. each spoonful delicious. all the milk gone with the last of the bits.

a true moment of connection, mutual recognition, an infinite point of time along a line, an emotion tied to a place tied to a person tied to an experience tied to a memory, burning brightly and constant.

tonight's homework:

make a wishlist, but save that money. if it exists in the world, there is no rush to have it now. cultivate your patience.

---

 

" lights out "

---

if at first you don't succeed, take a moment, eat a snack, drink some water, maybe a cat nap. things aren't as dire as they seem, until they are as dire as they seem.

but you don't want to blow your stack over the petty or insignificant. details, it's in the details. save your emotions for the real biz.

fluctuations of the heart, affections out of sync and unparalleled, old loves, new loves, friends coming in, out, and through your life. everything is relative, and if you are spent trying to get loose sideways details straight, you will have wasted a lot of time and energy.

better to feel it. better to know the truth. better to make your worth seen and understood if the situation really calls for a reaction. none of this menial snide casual ire; be decisive and have a moral compass. it doesn't have to be aligned with everyone around you, but it has to have substance.

tonight's homework:

give it another shot. things can change with a perspective shift or the passage of time, no matter the duration.

---

 

" it happens how it happens "

---

the beat drops and the light lingers tenuously on the edges of your eyelashes, like a glowing halo shimmering in the periphery. everything converges into a single moment and snap, the exposure is made. the dream-vision made eternal. the notion becomes a fixture.

unless it doesn't.

all the best laid plans and such, and how dismal the knowledge of the futility of attempting to encourage anything other than a complete blackness. mechanical failure for sure, but how much it feels like a user failure. a talent failure. a heart failure.

lift up though, in the face of one disappointment. the experience of shooting itself a reward, and in each press of the shutter. you will progress and evolve, despite the outcome. you have a vision beyond the mechanical, and there's always another frame to make, if you want there to be one.

tonight's homework:

let an old friend know that you're thinking of them.

---

 

" clap along to this one "

---

boom bap, buboom boom bap.

tk tk, tk tk, tk tk tk tk.

boom bap, buboom boom bap.

breeeeeeeeeeaaaarrrwwwwwwww, shapow!

boom bap, buboom boom bap.

chiggada chiggada chiggada, cha-choops!

boom bap, buboom boom bap.

wha?

boom bap, buboom boom bap.

hey.

boom bap, buboom boom bap.

eh?

boom bap, buboom boom bap.

yah!

tonight's homework:

feel it! make that noiiiiiiiiiize!

---

 

" rushing for no one "

---

underground it grows quiet now. the screeching of the wheels upon the long and slender steel tracks fade into the ceaseless drone of  automatic machine-regulated air conditioning and the collective sighs from irritated passengers.

signal malfunctions and power failures turn into information-sharing malfunctions and timeframe failures. we are not moving at the moment. we are not moving for so many moments. what does it mean to be beholden to the inner-workings and the behind-the-scenes of this transit system?

what does it mean to exist in limbo. how long have we been here? how long will we endure in this construction of reality turned askew? so many menial questions, mostly for clarification...and so few answers if answers at all.

the minutes build and the faces resigned, we turn to the small comfort of our communication devices. the warm glow of the screen lifting us collectively out from the situation, and beyond light and fantasy into a realm of being which is not defined by a lack of electrical current.

tonight's homework:

you're thinking of a number, and yes, you should call it. isn't it time you found the strength to make that connection? however it may turn out, you'll still have the pride in knowing you stepped forward from the brink of a lifetime of silence.

---

 

" a season for growing "

---

in each moment forward, we gain not only seconds in this life, but knowledge, information gathering, cautionary tales, and recipes for enlightenment. it's not enough to think that you know everything there is to know. 

humble yourself to the fact that no one person knows it all, not even the deity of the almighty internet. we live, we learn, we progress, and we share with one another. this is the old ways, the ancient ways that have become lost in the warming sterile glow of the present future.

we used to have mentors. we used to have real-world-education. we used to speak with each other and swap skills. to survive meant to interact and know, really know someone. i am doing my best to look to the old ways now; to glean and listen and archive and store information spoken by the lips, and shared by the heart.

tonight's homework:

make a short lesson plan for no one in particular. teach, not preach, to someone today. share with them a skill or story, and reconnect with the planetary saga.

---

 

" that silver lining "

---

when it rains it pours, and when it pours, you have to get wet. good energies and hopes mixed with a dash of dreamery can go a long way in staving off the gloom and doom of casual to serious cynicism.

you learn to embrace the raindrops and slip in between the downpour. you learn and adapt, and see through the veil of reality. there are hidden doorways to the truth. there are passageways to such bliss, such happiness.

you can break on through with the right motivation, and what riches are on the other side of this dismal shadow. 

there is a love so strong, it lifts you up from the face of te earth, defies gravity, and brings you aloft into and above the clouds into a light of such brilliance, it defies all manner of negative thought and emotion.

tonight's homework:

believe believe believe, then make positive and forwarding changes in your life for the better. it is never too late.

---

 

" wide shot "

---

when it is all coming at you rapid fire, and you're not sure where you stand, what is happening, what is going to happen...these are defining moments where lizard brain lights up, and we make decisions based on pure instinct. and sometimes that instinct is correct, and sometimes we are not wrong per se, but not altogether right.

calm is a hard state of being to be in, when your blood is boiling, the heat from your skin makes your body clammy and tight, and it becomes increasingly harder to navigate the emotional and physical storms. better yet, a state of calm on a spectrum of super chill at one end and high-strung on the other, seems as if it could be an attainable sense of Self...if only the world were more forthcoming with information and perspective.

nothing really is supremely easy at all times, but aren't some of the most hard things to deal with in the world, the easiest to define? isn't an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia and lesser-than self-worth enough fuel to a fire of redemption, reinvention, and a dowsing rod to solace?

we need to pull back, to take time, to slow down, to breathe easier, to see that not only is everything less chaotic up close, but everything becomes known in stark relief given the right amount of distance.

all you need is not a physical distance, but a distance defined by time to resolve issues of doubt, of carelessness, and of tumult. we are not solely defined by our mistakes ar bouts of lashing out into the winds. we can also be wrong and right at the same time. we can also be heroic and scared at the same time.

we can also find a love for ourselves and others at the same time. all you need to empower you is the belief that you can. and you can overcome most anything.

tonight's homework:

make sure the shoes fit, because the walk is potentially of an undefinable length, and it never hurts to be prepared for everything.

---

 

" teeter totter "

---

the winds change and the seasons shift. even within ourselves, we have times of shifts and changes; some broad and vast, some minute and miniscule.

what is important to note, is that change is inevitable. all manner of changes and alterations to our plans in the day, work, love, life. it is not up to us to divert the path, but embrace these temperaments and find the reciprocal angles of engagement.

we spend so much of our time fighting against ourselves. we look to our perceived shortcomings as weaknesses, and our perceived confidences as strengths. perhaps what we fail to discern in these definitions, is that we are human, and we are fallible creatures.

we are animal, and we are not perfect. but within that sentiment, we are perceptive in ways that very few species on this planet are. we are capable of so much in our burden and release of self-awareness. we can make differences in the lives of those we love, of those we do not know, in the communities we live in, in the states, countries, continents.

each of us has so much to offer, at times all it takes is a belief in oneself, and the courage to flex beyond expectations. to live any other way denies the true power of our near-limitless potential.

tonight's homework:

have a think about it, maybe even sleep on it, but in the morning, be ready to have an opinion either way, and then do something about it.

---

 

" onion peel life "

---

we try our best, through mistakes, mishaps, misjudgements, and ultimately a moment of clarity. revelations in a sea of darkness. we try our best.

there are layers and layers in our lives. the past and how it informs and reinforces, sometimes how it misinforms and leaves us scattered. the present and the fruit of the tree of desperation at times; how sweet and seductive it is to not take responsibility, but you are left living an untruthful life.

and the future. ever becoming, ever flowing, and always within its arms the opportunity for improvement and reinvention. we look forward to the future, and in doing so make a plea to the heavens, to the deities, and to one another, to do better, be better, and lean from the past to the present.

we give ourselves second, third, fourth, and fifth chances because things you love deserve reconciliation. they deserve respect, to be named aloud, to be held up into the light, and to be given a full weight of care and trust.

from the heart to a heart, from a brain to a brain, from the in to the out, and make sure these thoughts and feelings take flight towards a receptive audience. this is what my days are now. this is what my life is now.

to look forward with joy and hopes, and to take care.

tonight's homework:

speak true, but choose your words carefully when truths are on your lips.

---

 

" nostalgia battle "

---

what's new is a reflection of what's old. what is old is cool again depending on what it is, where it is, what it tastes like, what it looks like, feels like, and so on. it is not a surprise though right?

in america there's a sense of rapid cycles of cool constantly ramping up. this causes our collective sense of nostalgia to increase in rate, until we feel like one year's time is old timey.

we are tired of things more, we get bored with exciting technological breakthroughs more, and the culture of what is pop has become almost a by-the-second sort of phenomena.

while not a social scientist or cultural anthropologist, i still have the ability to observe just how fast trends come in and out of vogue. it makes me anxious in a new modern way, however old the novelty.

this isn't a rant on time passing, or the ravages of a linear existence, more so, this is a soft plea to take the time to appreciate the world around us as is shifts and changes, re-emerges or disappears. 

so much is lost to the rush or screen-glance. places are disappearing, people are disappearing, and what pops up in its place, while potentially beautiful and alluring, pales in comparison to some of the substance of yesterday/year/lifetime.

tonight's homework:

embrace your old soul and enjoy a cup of tea and a sit. appreciate someone and/or someplace.

--- 

 

" careful came the few "

---

we were in desolation wilderness, a protected area in eldorado county, california outside of lake tahoe. dusk fell like a soft shadow across the exposed rock and craggy surfaces.

our bodies were tired but held the strength of youth, of vigor, of exploration, and of camaraderie. dust billowed as our boots scuffed up the low shorelines.

just a group of pathfinders out of the city, out of the cradle of homes, and out amongst the granite peaks. our eyes turned a shade of colors i had never seen before. looking out onto the open waters of the black lake, our spirits roused.

quiet at first, we looked out and deeply observed. the winds whispered through evergreen branches. local waterfowl skimmed the glass surface, intermittently kicking up splashes with their talons. we waited, we watched, we saw ourselves in the shape of the natural world.

in a fit of collective understanding, all of us embraced our primal instincts, and charged the lake. i shed my clothing down to my skivvies, and ran a few feet into the pebbled bed. leaping above the waterline and diving into in a long lunge, my body pierced the threshold, and cool dark waters caressed my skin.

the feeling of balance, of solace and comfort swelled all around me. such an enveloping and loving sensation. coming up for air, i saw the others cheering and howling. what a crisp awakening. everyone scrambled into the waters as i did, and we headed out over the deeper cooler stretches, and towards to glistening formations on the far side.

tonight's homework:

keep to the plan, and allow time and energy for snacks and a walk around the block. everything is going to be fine.

---

 

" why you gonna do that? "

---

no no no, don't do that. don't do that.

no second guessing yourself, no putting yourself down for perceived shortcomings, no more beating yourself up, starving your creativity, turning inward and away from the things that set you free.

no shirking the responsibility, no spending hours online looking at cats and puppies and sloths and fights and people behaving horribly to one another. you're more than that; you are much better than that.

this life, this life is not a rabbit hole for you to fall into and find the treasure or mystical horde of jewels or bucket of delicious candies. this is not that life. this is not the type of life for you.

get up, sit down, do the biz, put in the work, get your fings dirty, clean yourself up!

enough of this monkey messing, we have little time to spare, and all the benefits to gain.

tonight's homework:

get off your high horse, and get on the hobby horse.

---

 

" clacking and clanging "

---

flexing against the winds, we make our way through the tight corridor. i can hear the rumbling below from commuter trains as they pass along so many multiple rails. the signal is coming in clear, and the sun is high in the sky.

walking now past a community garden, long disregarded and overgrown with various transient weeds and undergrowths. the shadows fill in the hollows where fresh vegetation probably once flourished.

seeing a young couple walking hand-in-hand a block up ahead. their heads lowered and leaned in towards one another, their hands clasped tightly and loosely together, and their shuffling feet in sync with each other's gait.

the world passes by, and the day is just a blip in the age of the earth. the clouds form and dissipate, the trees blossom and shed leaves and outstretch and dig their roots deeper and deeper into the soil. the sun arcs across the upper atmosphere, and for a moment, everything comes into a focuses and aware moment of complete clarity.

tonight's homework:

organize the spice rack.

---

 

" tuning fork "

---

taking in the sun full to the soul, the energy transmitting from a celestial body, down through the soundless void of outer space, through the atmosphere, through the clouds, straight into your cells.

running through the dark through a field through the winds and through the night air, fresh, your lungs are aching, your legs are burning, you are flying, you are joyous, you are free.

later in the season, a crisp afternoon walk through the streets, through the park, through the city, finding yourself immersed in of and between other people, other places, other experiences, and how good it feels to exist in the moment, to have a loose destination, and to have time flex and bend to your will, which deems what is important when.

heartstrings strummed in the shape of a beautiful warm chord progression, attraction mounting, face full flush with twitterpated pheremone-induced fevers plural, swooning, swaying, sinking into open arms, open mouths, singing voices, a melody which finds its harmony in the bones.

tonight's homework:

write it down, it couldn't hurt, and it's better than losing the thought later on account of fool's pride.

---

 

" unexpected journeys: a dream "

---

i was sitting on 9th street at a fold up tale with brent and max. it was really good to see them as they had moved away a long time ago. it was overcast but warm out with patches of sunlight. we were drinking glasses of water and talking about seinfield.

i found myself out of water and very thirsty, so i asked them if they wanted some water. i walked to the walgreens down the street, but when i got inside, noticed that the entire place had revamped into this luxury spa-like massive home furnishings and carpet store. it still had some basic home products and some pharmacy items, but moreover, the entire store was many shades of black, silver, and gray. the staff were few, and there was an air of hollow museum about the whole place.

in looking for jugs of water, i wandered downstairs to the spa area. a man asked if i needed help, and i told him that the likelihood that i would find what i needed there was slim. i walked out of the store and called greg to come meet me on the way back to the table.

i used a side exit and immediately was put out into the real world again. gone was the sleek futuristic comfort of the evolved walgreens, and in back of the store was a gritty, ochre-stained rusting wasteland, scattered with tall buildings and forests in the background.

there was a long chain link fence running along the borders of the lot behind the store, so i followed it across the field to where i believed the exit to the street was. it felt like i walked for ten minutes, then i realized this wasn’t brooklyn, it was probably portland oregon or somewhere else i had been walking through the whole time.

it made sense at the time.

i eventually got to a gate where a group of guys were waiting at a corrugated steel door. they were trying to egg the people on my side of the door to “man up” or act out in some macho way in order to gain passage through. it was all very mosh pit and strange. some people were yelling and spitting and wearing costumes, but i could see everyone was just play-acting and maybe a little scared.

i told the head guy i didn’t have time for this, and demanded to be let through. greg showed up around that time, and helped me talk my way through the gate, because we were not fighters, and had no time for that mess.

greg and i walked a little more, and realized that the gate lead to these train tracks, long and unending underneath this massive overpass. i had never noticed this while crossing the field. there were a group of workers securing the track and rails. they said to be real careful and warned us about walking on the tracks. we said that we were just going back to the street, and that we weren’t planning on staying long.

looking down at the tracks, i could see that they were floating on a pile of rust-ochre colored rocks and near-submerged in water. i could only surmise that the rocks came from the same slopes and geological formations i had seen earlier. the workers paid it no special attention, so i thought nothing of it, but noted the composition.

we ended up walking up a hill and found a swanky home to rest at. it turned out to be the house that max had moved to, and brent called my phone. he said they knew what happened to us, forget about the water, and they’d meet us at the house.

we walked into the home, and it reminded me of houses i’d been to back home in albany, california. the nicer houses with the three levels and a rec-room. the ones with hot tub decks and balconies, and i thought to myself, “max is doing really good.” 

we hung out, and they surprised me with tall glasses of water. they came into the room like it was a birthday party, and we were really glad to see each other.

tonight's homework:

take a moment to recall some of the best things that happened to you today. take a moment for the contemplation and reflection of each memory. tuck them away in the mind for those times when life is not so forgiving or mundane.

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