" into the everything of it all "

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i am writing this to inform everyone i know, those who follow my social media posts, and my blogs, that i will be out of the country for five weeks. i apologize in advance for not being able to continue posting silly links, amazing photowalks, and polaroid dailies.

as some of my friends& colleagues know, i have been growing my hair long for the past 3-4 years. it's now almost three feet long, and for the most part consists of black, dark brown and a number of silver streaks. the most interesting part of growing the hair long has been how to take care of it, style it out, and find a non-strangling way to sleep on/with it. 

what most people don't know is that i've been growing my hair out as a reminder to myself that i have always planned on being ordained as a buddhist monk. the ceremony and duration of time as a thai buddhist monk will take place over a couple weeks near my family's province in thailand.  

as a part of the ordination, i will shave my head and face, as the buddha once did to symbolize your commitment and releasing you from a sense of vanity. also, you're not supposed to pluck your gray & white hairs out, because they show age and wisdom. so perhaps after it grows back, i'll be just a touch more salt and less pepper.

i had always thought] to become a monk ever since i was 12 for many different reasons, but never had a stronger one other than the interest until after my grandmother passed away a number of years ago. that event really brought to light a lot of thoughts about what is really important to me.

finding a truth in myself, finding a way to know my Self in such a way that i could make space to give to others my all without wanting anything in return. making merit in this life for myself, my parents, for those who have passed, and to define a serenity so that i may let go of a lot of grief, anger, doubt, fear, and selfishness. i think this experience is going to be pretty rad. 

so, please take care of yourselves and each other in the time i'm gone. i promise to answer all questions, share any photos i do take, and do my best to take care of business.

i'm going into the everything of it all by choice, facing forward with eager humility and openness, and ready for all that will come my way,  see you in october.

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" threading the needle "

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hot to the touch, fingers running along the material like a search for the divine in the mundane. winds at your front, back, and swirling around your body from all sides. you're an animal, you're an animal. you are alive.

everything is pulling into focus, and although the perception of what you see becomes ever clearer, there is tunnel vision and blockades and fear and shadows and the ever-increasing unknown. you are a diamond.

everyone around me has the flu, and the hour of departure grows nigh. things which were planned now have begun their steady evolution from lightbulb to raging current passions. you're a human being and you know everything and nothing at the same time.

tonight's homework:

make some time to think about what really motivates you. what do you love? what do you enjoy doing? what gives you pleasure and satisfaction? what helps other people? what can you to to improve something in the world in a positive manner? think about all of these things, and get active! movement being the impetus of the friction we seek.

 

" the infinite in all things "

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today was the beginning of the new year. the weather in brooklyn was an average of 39° and it was overcast. i had brunch with two friends and a steak with sauteed spinach for dinner. all around me within the three block radius i found myself in was calm and clear.

i saw the structure of a christmas angel fallen over in the wind; its translucent bugle nestled in a hedge. there were four drunken gentlemen all bound up in loose but layered clothing all singing and joking with one another. their sense of revelry not yet sated, and the ever-present smell of celebration on the breeze.

there are moments which we find ourselves in a moment of reflection and pause. moments when we can see the world which surrounds us without the viewfinder in the way, bringing everything into a framed focus. this year, i would like to continue to explore the balance of being present with and without my camera.

photograph when i feel i have no other choice, explore with my senses when there is no other option. explore, make plans, engage with everything and everyone. there is so much time.

there is so little time.

i would like to remind myself that the space i exist in has a value that photographs will never see, and textures which will never fully be realized. we can only do our best to remain open, insightful, observant, and honest. make time for all things to manifest, heartaches & heartmakes. my hopes for this freshly exposed year is to meet it at the onset, and do the best i can with everything that comes my way.

tonight's homework:

make a plan to succeed this year in a way that you may not fully understand yet, but will be prepared for when the moment arises. no looking back, and happy new year.

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" a little merry merry amidst the bah humbug "

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good will towards all and a joyous holiday season. i seem to find that with this ceaseless merriment all around all the time, that time is compressing. there are no breaks in the line of linear existence. it's all one blur of strange men in santa costumes, holiday sales of all the things that we don't need, and church bells tolling traditional holiday songs in resounding echoes.

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" laying yourself open and bare for all to see "

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when you decide to create a piece of art, you must first attempt to understand what it means to want to make that art. there is such a spectrum of people whom i've met that say they're artists, but they never make anything, or do anything, or embody anything.

they're not tortured or deep or special or quixotic or definitive or desirable or haunting or any of the things that makes anyone interesting. and we've all been that version of a person or artist before i'm sure.

of course there are moments when you must create and collaborate out of the sheer need to understand yourself, and this is the particular vein that i seem to explore over and over in my portraiture work.

i want i want to know the perimeters of my limitations, and how i can go about crossing over that defined border. in laying yourself bare for all to see, the desire for your expression may begin to take shape.

i want to be more myself in every moment, and in photographing others, i find that sense of truth, beauty, savage calm, sense of bravery, vulnerability, and strength. in laying yourself bare for all to see, the desire for your expression may begin to take shape.

if any of this interests you, and you feel like you want to explore your perceived limitations with a fellow artist, please feel free to contact me. i'm always looking looking looking, and always finding finding finding.

tonight's homework:

take a chance on yourself and give yourself permission to be honest.

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