" defining success is the rough biz "


something about that sweet sweet third-party, not friends, not family, not an institution you came from, sort of nod, praise, and recognition which burns brightly in a hue which lifts and expands.

it becomes more and more interesting to love an activity so hard, that you begin to fear shattering bones because of the way it affects. your nervous system flourishes and heartbeats escalate. endorphins sparkle and clang around your brain like a 70's pinball machine. and it's never enough.

my chosen and not chosen profession is photography. it's chosen because i've put a lot of eggs into this basket to be the profession which takes me forward in the world. the one which pushes me on, challenges my fears, and remains both therapeutic and a breaker of barriers. it's not chosen for the reasons of how we need to inhale to function. it is my plasma, my electrical synapses colliding and firing, and the sweet lullabies which transition my waking life into the world of dreams.

so i'm not sure at all how i'm doing from an outsider position at any time. ever. it's a mix of holding the cards close to the chest, and not broadcasting to widely. and at the close of this year, it's beginning to show me how much i am holding back from myself.

while not one to rely too much on the notion of new year's resolutions to affect changes in one's life, i am making myself a little promise to push a little harder, a little further, and filled with a little more active intent.

tonight's homework:

if you want to be seen, you must show yourself. to let the work speak without words, and allow all criticism in. how else will we grow, be inspired, produce more, and garner a sustained interest?