—- 
 time is fleeting. there is little of it left, and so many things to do. how will you spend it? being idle and uninterested? uninterested people are uninteresting, and add absolutely nothing to the whole everything. 
 have an opinion, be someone of note, make your presence known and felt and seen and heard. 
 this image represents the beginning of the end of this film stock i’ve cobbled/hoarded together. in total 1800 shots. color to black & white. back to high contrast gray areas. back to tones and shadows. back to curves and reflections which remain bold and subtle at the same time. 
 this lovely stretch is your time, and from this day on, you must persevere; attempt to make yourself happy and find a meaning in your life. it is very much worth it, and it will mark your life for the better of all whom you interact with. 
 there is less and less time in each passing moment. and many things to accomplish before the end. many places to go, things to see, foods to eat, loves to love, shoes to walk around in endlessly until there are no paths left. 
 —-

—-

time is fleeting. there is little of it left, and so many things to do. how will you spend it? being idle and uninterested? uninterested people are uninteresting, and add absolutely nothing to the whole everything.

have an opinion, be someone of note, make your presence known and felt and seen and heard.

this image represents the beginning of the end of this film stock i’ve cobbled/hoarded together. in total 1800 shots. color to black & white. back to high contrast gray areas. back to tones and shadows. back to curves and reflections which remain bold and subtle at the same time.

this lovely stretch is your time, and from this day on, you must persevere; attempt to make yourself happy and find a meaning in your life. it is very much worth it, and it will mark your life for the better of all whom you interact with.

there is less and less time in each passing moment. and many things to accomplish before the end. many places to go, things to see, foods to eat, loves to love, shoes to walk around in endlessly until there are no paths left.

—-

—- 
 each day in sweet contemplation on all facets, all ideas flourishing, all ideas brewing, all the loves, all the deaths, all the future travels from here to there to here to there. a meditation, a consultation with the Self, a conversation. 
 we spend so much of our time in states of doubt and confusion, of course it will affect us, but perhaps with more practice and active awareness, we begin to transcend the default of those reactions. 
 when you can notice your fear and anger rising, you can begin to measure your response. as in most things both mental & physical, the thought is known, forms, and makes itself present. 
 the thoughts and feelings may alter, but the body still reels and swells with emotion. the body remains most honest and echoes long after. and we may also alter and temper our reactions with active practice. 
 whether in fury or in affection, the sensations wash throughout from the top of the head to the bottoms of the soles of the feet, and each sensation sublime. 
 —-

—-

each day in sweet contemplation on all facets, all ideas flourishing, all ideas brewing, all the loves, all the deaths, all the future travels from here to there to here to there. a meditation, a consultation with the Self, a conversation.

we spend so much of our time in states of doubt and confusion, of course it will affect us, but perhaps with more practice and active awareness, we begin to transcend the default of those reactions.

when you can notice your fear and anger rising, you can begin to measure your response. as in most things both mental & physical, the thought is known, forms, and makes itself present.

the thoughts and feelings may alter, but the body still reels and swells with emotion. the body remains most honest and echoes long after. and we may also alter and temper our reactions with active practice.

whether in fury or in affection, the sensations wash throughout from the top of the head to the bottoms of the soles of the feet, and each sensation sublime.

—-

—- 
 tonight’s homework: 
 make a formative and to the best of your abilities, a comprehensive list of all of the things, objects, people, and situations you love. 
 some on mine for example would be my parents, brother, family, friends, exes, collaborators, homemade pizzas, ramen, fried eggs, pancakes, wandering, curiosity-fueled explorations, kissing, hand-holding, sitting quietly, cinema/theatre/movie-watching, the opera, ice creams, driving short distances, road trips, traveling through a culture not my own, smelling new smells, tasting new tastes, swimming in the ocean, meeting strangers and becoming friends, gadgets, camera equipment, photo shoots, portraiture, thailand street food, paintings, museum spaces and the people who inhabit them albeit for brief and fleeting moments. 
 and much much more… 
 perhaps make this list and keep adding to it. your interests, your loves, your desires, your missions in life, your dreams. 
 having this list all the time, and at the ready is a great reminder to see later on, on those days where you find yourself unsure of yourself, unsure of your dreams & desires, and unsure of your path. 
 these listed items will not only serve as a base from which you may venture forth anew with a sense of renewed confidence, but as markers of what to look for to guide you in the future. 
 they may shift and change; altering the list may be painful at times, and at times very satisfying. but in the long run, you’ll end up feeling that at least at one time, you had an opinion about something. you felt very sure at one time that these were those things, objects, people, and situations you love. 
 you had a truth, you lived by them, and they gave you strength. 
 —-

—-

tonight’s homework:

make a formative and to the best of your abilities, a comprehensive list of all of the things, objects, people, and situations you love.

some on mine for example would be my parents, brother, family, friends, exes, collaborators, homemade pizzas, ramen, fried eggs, pancakes, wandering, curiosity-fueled explorations, kissing, hand-holding, sitting quietly, cinema/theatre/movie-watching, the opera, ice creams, driving short distances, road trips, traveling through a culture not my own, smelling new smells, tasting new tastes, swimming in the ocean, meeting strangers and becoming friends, gadgets, camera equipment, photo shoots, portraiture, thailand street food, paintings, museum spaces and the people who inhabit them albeit for brief and fleeting moments.

and much much more…

perhaps make this list and keep adding to it. your interests, your loves, your desires, your missions in life, your dreams.

having this list all the time, and at the ready is a great reminder to see later on, on those days where you find yourself unsure of yourself, unsure of your dreams & desires, and unsure of your path.

these listed items will not only serve as a base from which you may venture forth anew with a sense of renewed confidence, but as markers of what to look for to guide you in the future.

they may shift and change; altering the list may be painful at times, and at times very satisfying. but in the long run, you’ll end up feeling that at least at one time, you had an opinion about something. you felt very sure at one time that these were those things, objects, people, and situations you love.

you had a truth, you lived by them, and they gave you strength.

—-

—- 
 you have to want it so bad, more than anything else, and will it into existence. from the heart up through the brain-stem to the senses to the skin to the meat & musculature to the bones. 
 if it’s anything i’ve learned from the entirety of my life thus far, it’s that there is not the sort of magic that you believed in as a child. the whole of growing up and through to early adolescence leads up to the eventual realization that there are no easy answers. 
 everything is amazingly complex and multifaceted, filled with nuances and intimate delicacy. how i’ve been so confident in my youth, and at present feel very strong that i alone am the one that must put the effort into it all, or nothing will come of all those desires and dreams. 
 you are owed nothing, and there are no absolutes. it’s all the gray area in between, thick like a fog of your own device. how it lifts and clears in entirely up to you. 
 and if you have a belief in me and mines, i will have a belief in you and yours. 
 —-

—-

you have to want it so bad, more than anything else, and will it into existence. from the heart up through the brain-stem to the senses to the skin to the meat & musculature to the bones.

if it’s anything i’ve learned from the entirety of my life thus far, it’s that there is not the sort of magic that you believed in as a child. the whole of growing up and through to early adolescence leads up to the eventual realization that there are no easy answers.

everything is amazingly complex and multifaceted, filled with nuances and intimate delicacy. how i’ve been so confident in my youth, and at present feel very strong that i alone am the one that must put the effort into it all, or nothing will come of all those desires and dreams.

you are owed nothing, and there are no absolutes. it’s all the gray area in between, thick like a fog of your own device. how it lifts and clears in entirely up to you.

and if you have a belief in me and mines, i will have a belief in you and yours.

—-

—-

here’s to never fleeing from something, but always running towards something. to finding strange moments within the travel, to riding trains to far destinations, to walking the distance.

you’re always present with yourself, so what does it matter if your feet want to go left or right? eventually you may have the option to choose both, or an entirely different set of options. if time is short, of course you must choose. but what if your weekend is open and free for the scheduling of your choosing?

what elation and opportunity! what raw and unbridled emptiness could be filled to the brim with unknown discoveries! plural!

i’m always moving never stopping, so you be too, and maybe our paths will parallel. and maybe they will cross and tangent into other tributaries. but we’ll have had the great pleasure to have witnessed each other, adventuring in the world, smiling wide with teeth exposed reeling with a sense of such completeness.

—-

—-

slipped through my fingers and the winds kicked up. disappeared behind the rush of a passing train. i turned around, and you vanished. out of my presence, out of view, out of reach.

in all of these places i’ve loved you. i’ve despised you. i’ve missed you, pined for you, lost you.

but i do see you there in the details. the echoes and the memories which manifest like phantoms of the past. and just like those blessed and beautifully delicate memories, they continue to haunt me, both good and bad ones. hopes among the despair, glimmers of gladness in the shuffle.

and they shape who i have become and continue to be. things happened like they happened, and of course it’s fine. this is the grasp of a linear life.

what a lovely tragedy, this melancholic existence. we are destined to feel from the first to the last, and in all that exquisite sustained lifetime in between.

—-

—- 
 thirty seconds between a lingering observation, a composition, and a few metered breaths. things settle. the lungs expand, the eyes blink then wander up and around, then back to center. 
 after the shutter is depressed, the anticipation builds. we make out the outlines in our heads while making small talk. i usually ask a few tangential questions to fill the time with chatter. but it is never wasted or frivolous. 
 i those precious seconds, i give my all. i give up the ghost. 
 i am and remain transparent. 
 smiles are easy to come by, and for a brief second, there is a brief flash of concern or nervousness. that makes the whole experience more human, and definitely more interesting. 
 in my head, a timer sounds. i place the unpeeled print in the hands of the sitter. hesitation mixes with a sense of the unknown. we create mystery and allure together. 
 the backing material and chemistry separates from the developed image, and now we see what beauty we’ve made. 
 —-

—-

thirty seconds between a lingering observation, a composition, and a few metered breaths. things settle. the lungs expand, the eyes blink then wander up and around, then back to center.

after the shutter is depressed, the anticipation builds. we make out the outlines in our heads while making small talk. i usually ask a few tangential questions to fill the time with chatter. but it is never wasted or frivolous.

i those precious seconds, i give my all. i give up the ghost.

i am and remain transparent.

smiles are easy to come by, and for a brief second, there is a brief flash of concern or nervousness. that makes the whole experience more human, and definitely more interesting.

in my head, a timer sounds. i place the unpeeled print in the hands of the sitter. hesitation mixes with a sense of the unknown. we create mystery and allure together.

the backing material and chemistry separates from the developed image, and now we see what beauty we’ve made.

—-

—- 
 one talent to nurture in this life is how to seek out good people. supporters of your crazy ideas and dreams, collaborators on wild notions, muses, cohorts, comrades. 
 these are your trusted compatriots with which you may divulge your secrets. these are the ones who will get you out of a pickle, help to fix a problem, or allay fears in moments of distress. 
 the complexities of daily living require simple solutions, and the survival tactic of being able to seek like-minded caretakers, will be something tremendously beneficial which will span your entire life. 
 —-

—-

one talent to nurture in this life is how to seek out good people. supporters of your crazy ideas and dreams, collaborators on wild notions, muses, cohorts, comrades.

these are your trusted compatriots with which you may divulge your secrets. these are the ones who will get you out of a pickle, help to fix a problem, or allay fears in moments of distress.

the complexities of daily living require simple solutions, and the survival tactic of being able to seek like-minded caretakers, will be something tremendously beneficial which will span your entire life.

—-

—- 
 joyful raucous screaming and shrieks and laughter and cooing are heard with crystalline clarity as they travel the invisible line of brain-reaction-throat-mouth-tongue-teeth-lips-air-ear-brain-body-soul-ether. 
 brilliant lights gleam through pinholes in a rainbow of motorized beams, flickering and flitting past our closed eyelids. 
 there is nothing like this. there are many things like this. 
 each moment is pure trajectory from weighted to anti-gravitational. our songs are heard, our spirits soar, and each one of us has a private delight made public. 
 —-

—-

joyful raucous screaming and shrieks and laughter and cooing are heard with crystalline clarity as they travel the invisible line of brain-reaction-throat-mouth-tongue-teeth-lips-air-ear-brain-body-soul-ether.

brilliant lights gleam through pinholes in a rainbow of motorized beams, flickering and flitting past our closed eyelids.

there is nothing like this. there are many things like this.

each moment is pure trajectory from weighted to anti-gravitational. our songs are heard, our spirits soar, and each one of us has a private delight made public.

—-

—- 
 going into those dark places where flickering eyes shine in the shadows, we find that our fears and hesitations mistake laughter for menace. 
 nothing is as it seems at all times, and it behooves us as good people to be vigilant of our own interpretations. 
 everything in moderation, whether it be beers & spirits, anxiety & unease, or just misreading the dark dank corners. it’s always better to focus on the deep beauty of a curious observation, then move on. 
 —-

—-

going into those dark places where flickering eyes shine in the shadows, we find that our fears and hesitations mistake laughter for menace.

nothing is as it seems at all times, and it behooves us as good people to be vigilant of our own interpretations.

everything in moderation, whether it be beers & spirits, anxiety & unease, or just misreading the dark dank corners. it’s always better to focus on the deep beauty of a curious observation, then move on.

—-

—- 
 not very good on starting points. i can feel the urge and the desire to engage, but it’s really already happening by then innit? when did it begin? 
 maybe the lesson is to just forgo the beginnings, and just jump right in. find yourself in mid stride, halfway through the first third of a conversation’s worth of confidence, knee-deep in it. 
 just be there, like a projection of the mind already in the real world. it’s not enough to be in the moment, but you have to be in your moment. someone else’s moment will only give you a skewed perspective. 
 —-

—-

not very good on starting points. i can feel the urge and the desire to engage, but it’s really already happening by then innit? when did it begin?

maybe the lesson is to just forgo the beginnings, and just jump right in. find yourself in mid stride, halfway through the first third of a conversation’s worth of confidence, knee-deep in it.

just be there, like a projection of the mind already in the real world. it’s not enough to be in the moment, but you have to be in your moment. someone else’s moment will only give you a skewed perspective.

—-

—- 
 more rain in the forecast last night. and for a moment, it seemed like all the rainwater runoff, was flowing straight into my shoes. 
 the squish squish squish of wet shoes, wet socks, and eventually wet feet. 
 and what can you really do? 
 i mean, each time i feel like breaking out new shoes, it begins to rain. just like each time i feel like my day has gone completely full-tilt bananas, i find out it’s the full moon. 
 things happen, and you deal with them. elevated or serene, these occurrences do not have to define us. you can meet them full-faced and allow them access to your heart-space, where if you wish, they may reside and affect. 
 this ole goddamn long life with my sore muscles down through the meat to the bones…who cares about sopping wet feet in a rainstorm? 
 i’ve other worries and amazing things to attend to. 
 squish squish squish. 
 —-

—-

more rain in the forecast last night. and for a moment, it seemed like all the rainwater runoff, was flowing straight into my shoes.

the squish squish squish of wet shoes, wet socks, and eventually wet feet.

and what can you really do?

i mean, each time i feel like breaking out new shoes, it begins to rain. just like each time i feel like my day has gone completely full-tilt bananas, i find out it’s the full moon.

things happen, and you deal with them. elevated or serene, these occurrences do not have to define us. you can meet them full-faced and allow them access to your heart-space, where if you wish, they may reside and affect.

this ole goddamn long life with my sore muscles down through the meat to the bones…who cares about sopping wet feet in a rainstorm?

i’ve other worries and amazing things to attend to.

squish squish squish.

—-

—- 
 only the best things from now on. this is the mantra with the resound and echo. 
 our feet firmly planted in the shallows of a river, and everything is in motion. 
 eyes closed in the sunlight, eyes open in the dusk leaning towards twilight. heart open at all times. this machine of mine has so many components, and all have been in a constant state of repair this whole time. 
 there’s no need to practice or set time aside for rehearsal. 
 this is that main stage shit, that spotlight in your face manifest shit, that good nervous energy because you know yourself and you’re going to make fools knees buckle shit. no watch necessary; timepiece irrelevant. 
 only good thoughts, good times, happinesses and yelling, writhing and ecstasy, kinetic energy and endless inertia. 
 only the best things from now on. and the beat goes on and on and on and on. 
 —-

—-

only the best things from now on. this is the mantra with the resound and echo.

our feet firmly planted in the shallows of a river, and everything is in motion.

eyes closed in the sunlight, eyes open in the dusk leaning towards twilight. heart open at all times. this machine of mine has so many components, and all have been in a constant state of repair this whole time.

there’s no need to practice or set time aside for rehearsal.

this is that main stage shit, that spotlight in your face manifest shit, that good nervous energy because you know yourself and you’re going to make fools knees buckle shit. no watch necessary; timepiece irrelevant.

only good thoughts, good times, happinesses and yelling, writhing and ecstasy, kinetic energy and endless inertia.

only the best things from now on. and the beat goes on and on and on and on.

—-

—- 
 everything you’ve ever been interested in has been observed. everything you’ve ever seen, or tasted has been thought of. everything is old hat and not worth your exploration. everything is finite. 
 everything you’ve ever been interested in has led you to new discovery. everything you’ve ever seen, or tasted has never been seen or tasted like you’ve experienced. everything is endlessly unfolding new and pure; new thoughts forming new interpretations making new moments, and your interaction only compounds the chance of uniqueness. all endeavors are worth your exploration. 
 everything is cyclical and infinite. 
 —-

—-

everything you’ve ever been interested in has been observed. everything you’ve ever seen, or tasted has been thought of. everything is old hat and not worth your exploration. everything is finite.

everything you’ve ever been interested in has led you to new discovery. everything you’ve ever seen, or tasted has never been seen or tasted like you’ve experienced. everything is endlessly unfolding new and pure; new thoughts forming new interpretations making new moments, and your interaction only compounds the chance of uniqueness. all endeavors are worth your exploration.

everything is cyclical and infinite.

—-

—-

just leaving the house in the morning feels like a chore. but it’s in the making of that feeling into the belief that you’ll find amazing experiences in the world, that makes it worth whole.

you can do good out there, you can meet cool people out there, you can get exercise out there, you can find and eat delicious things out there, you can make eye contact out there, you can make heart contact out there.

at a time where heading home, eating horribly lazy, slumping into the couch or bed, and then internetting yourself to bed is the norm, plan an excursion into the unknown.

or in the least, make a phone call, and create plans for you and a friend. it’s too interesting out there to make a habit of staying in.

(p.s. - a splash of color in these next few posts because i was gifted some old FP-100C from 2004. it’s pretty wonky so far! fun!)

—-