" flush all over "

---

running through the forest at dusk. the sun honey drip dipping below the horizon in the far distance, and the last fleeting streams losing their grip amongst the trunks, up to the branches, and finally the wide endless canopy.

the chirping of all the insects and rumble of other animals, rise and envelop the atmosphere; a veritable verdant wall of sound waves. you stand amidst this raw nature as you remember that you too are a wild animal.

the dusk blankets as nighttime approaches, and the world becomes a beautifully dense darkness. the symphony of an entire ecosystem develops and extends beyond the visible universe.

you are home.

---

" a palpable magic "

---

when you have been given access to realms unknown, it behooves you to just take one moment to be still and behold.

it can be a place. like walking into a cathedral in the afternoon, the sunlight streaming in through the filter of massive stained glass panels. or walking into a stadium with thousands and thousands of people writhing in their seats cheering and filling up space.

or looking out from the edge of a massive canyon; the sheer size overshadowing you entirely, and you reset the scale of the world. or slipping beneath the surface of the ocean while waves of saltwater flow over and swirl around you; such a feeling of bliss and contentment to be held aloft and afloat by the sea.

people are like that too. you can find yourself in the presence of someone very special, and they fill you with awe, wonderment, a sense of love you've never known, and a flavor of beauty which you've never experienced.

when you have the opportunity to peer behind the green curtain, to cross over the threshold, so enter a world unseen previous, make the time to be thankful, respectful, and open your heart to it all. a vision and experience such as that is a rare and lovely thing, and the resonance of which rarely loses its power.

---

" active archiving "

---

keep them close. all of your precious memories, all of them.

the great moments of discovery, your childhood sequences of amateur science, playing in the streets, the sand, the grass, the sun. when you found out that freshly clipped nails were sharp. when you dug deep deep deep into the earth, and it went on forever and got cooler.

the first time you ate a particular fruit, or ate something new; stinky cheeses that confused and enticed, a smoothie, raw vegetables, cured meats, ales & liquors.

the touch. caressive fingers along open palms, down stretches of smooth skin in the afternoon. hands massaging your head through your hair or lack of hair. hugs, hits, falls, falling in love, falling out of love, falling away into the ocean. tears welling up and tears streaming uncontrollably out of your face.

joys, elation, running and giggling out loud. freedom flying like a slapdash banner to your tree fort. people watching, people approaching, people photographing, people walking away.

the list is truly endless, and they're all yours and they're all cherished. even the painful ones. they give you strength of will and a reference for the parameters of your happiness. have them, hold them, share them, speak them aloud.

tonight's homework:

think of the best most amazing thing that happened to you this past week, and then share it with someone, friend or stranger. make a connection.

---

" from a slice of all time "

---

i have to remind myself to remind myself to not put all my focus on one thing or person or situation. to be that myopic gives me tunnel-vision, and i find it really hard to unlatch.

when i get into cleaning my desk at home, it turns into half-cleaning/half-reminiscing and then i get the cleaning-itch and begin to clean my floor, room, hallway, apartment. it's good to be detail-oriented, but i get lost.

the hours pass, the day wanes, the sun sets behind the buildings, behind the horizon, and it becomes nighttime becomes twilight becomes dawn. time is ceaseless until our time in this life is over, so i need to remember to take that time i have now and even it all out.

so, gone thieves of activity time, good riddance burglars of multitasking, and fare thee well appropriators of socializing. as always it is nice to have you over in small increments, but i've things to do.

thank you of your company, i've now things to do.

tonight's homework:

you are great! you are valid! you have every potential to accomplish tasks great and minuscule! shelf a mania and explore a newfound interest or activity. expand your world in metered steps.

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" nothing beyond repair "

---

when you feel spent, overwhelmed, stubborn, and exhausted, there is something to allowing yourself a release. remember to breathe deeply, exhale fully, and ponder upon this metered breath.

i know firsthand these depths and these feelings of anguish. you will get through these hard times. it's a promise which can be made, but it takes a level of vulnerability and humbleness.

when you put out that good energy and optimistic vibes out into the world, it comes back to you in your darkest times. there is room for pride, but do not let it stop you from healing.

no one can know what the future brings, but we can at all times be prepared and ready ourselves.

tonight's homework:

dare to have a hope. dare to have a dream. spend time healing others. heal yourself.

---

" traveling for knowledge "

---

when you hedge your bets on yourself, great things shift. you begin to see that you can steer the trajectory of your life towards uncharted successes. you enrich your quality of life, and the lives of others.

the particular slice of freedoms we enjoy can alter your vision of the future in curious and beneficial ways as well. we're instilled with a "create your own adventure" mentality and learn within a strange framework of rigidity and possibility. so it's up to us to take it upon ourselves to better ourselves, color outside the lines, and cross the thresholds of our own hesitant insecurities.

when you take these custom-crafted plans, no matter the outcome, you are tapping into something so beautiful, so pure. those are moments you remember when you say "remember when..."

suddenly opportunities open up and you can be the architect of your dream-making. taking that first chance on yourself is the best tenuous moment; immaculate silence like a spread white sheet.

---

" beyond what you see "

---

no need for kid gloves with me. i'm a dark horse with crimson lips. the brash gale which whips at the walls of your preconceived notions.

come correct or not at all. the deep wake of my strengths slicing through wide waters defy expectation.

we'll treat each other as friends and fellow humans, or walk on by. i've no time for ill behavior, cruelty, teasing, or the all too-oft catcall.

i am the water, the sun, the earth, the molten core. i am the cold of space, the endless night, and the breaking dawn.

---

" when you wear the best fit of the day "

---

invincibility as a construct is a difficult state to maintain. no matter how invulnerable we feel, our skin is still exposed to the world.

but a complete fit can be that armor to deflect all manner of hesitation. you can find yourself amidst naysayers or judgmental people, and render yourself immediately devoid of harm.

when you wear the best fit of the day, people take heed, and you have soul-fangs. one thing less is the matter, and you can walk tall, proud, confident, beaming, glowing, radiating.

i suppose i am still working on a complete best fit of the day, but i'm getting there piece by piece.

tonight's homework:

make yourself feel better for the benefit of yourself. things are always looking up.

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" good medicine "

---

kindness, patience, calm, meditation, healthy eating, healthy thinking and actions, brilliant ideas as a result of sleeping deeply & well, catnaps too, being confident in the face of fear, being humble in the face of praise.glances, approaches, kisses and physical touch.

making a connection with at least one other human in person per day. making someone feel great about themselves. drinking plenty of water. moisturizing often. love your parents, family, partners, other people, strangers, everyone.

touching someone's life with goodness, aide, cooking, arts & crafts time, movie-watching, activities! finding the positive and optimistic and venerable in each person.

getting close, getting good with life itself.

getting by.

second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, until the stars turn cold.

---

" summertime alignment "

---

it's the bright encompassing low sunlight with the extended deep shadows. we find ourselves walking down the streets where there is no escape from this quality of light, and its strength matches the loving closeness of humidity.

your skin feels damp and flush with the heat, and each step requires a shifting navigation of movement such that a small draft or gust of cooler air slips between the back of your shirt and the nape of the collar.

the afternoon pushes on as you engage it. there is no rush other than the self-imposition of wanting to get to point B in general. the faces of the people in the street resembles that of the suffering of the swelter, but you revel in it.

tonight's homework:

stay cool and don't be in a rush; life's pleasures are all in the details.

---

" to the water, to the water "

---

sometimes i dream of dark water.

whether in a pool at nighttime with all the lights turned off and curious illumination from within the depths, or in the wide open seas with unknown fathoms leading down to monstrous cephalopods.

never sure what dreaming about water, the ocean at night, being surrounded by the comfort of the waves and currents, but knowing that at some hidden level there lurks creatures unknown.

most of the time it's circling orcas or ululating humpback whales. they're never dangerous per se, but have a sense of menace and curiosity at the same time.

in some dreams i sink ever so slightly to four or five body lengths below the surface, and i can breathe! i love those dreams because you have a breath and you can see sharp and clear. as someone who has severely impaired vision, a life without eyeglasses and contact lenses is bliss.

i would swim down into the dense black, explore caverns with bioluminescent amoebas. these beautiful dreams allow me the opportunity to face fears, skirt some dangers, and remain near-lucid.

upon waking, i miss the sensation of the body of water cradling itself all about your being. it's the melancholy of finding yourself in the real world, on land, and devoid of the clutch and caress of the entire universe.

---

" outside the universe while inside the universe "

---

beauty beauty beauty all around. the sun hangs low, and we see these brief moments where everything is in alignment.

you have to stop. you are compelled to revel in the scene. and it becomes so much more than the glimpse of initial interest.

you are moved. you are transported. you are beyond the curtain of reality, and nothing else matters in that instance. you can see beyond the ether; you find solace and fulfillment.

it can be silly things which draw you in, but the pattern and the lines, the way they intersect or parallel, sometimes barely touching which gives some places a near indescribable sense of true elegance.

tonight's homework:

keep an eye out for people, places, or objects which catch your eye. it will change your entire life to behold.

---

" burnt caramel and stale molasses "

---

"a subtlety, or the marvelous sugar baby," by kara walker: an artistic and multiple sculptural installation piece, as seen from the near-entrance of the now defunct domino sugar factory.

it touches upon the sugar trade itself, the subjugation of black women and sexuality, slavery, mammification, and racism in the states/in general.

powerful invisible fumes of dark sickly sweetness permeated the dank air inside the factory. the feeling of despair resounded throughout the space. we were not witness to solely a modern interpretation; we were allowed an entrance into seeing into the past. this was a time machine.

i noticed the diversity and the communal energies lingered on silence, small discussion, docent-led group tours, laughter, hipstery affected non-nonchalance, confrontations, discussions, and photography not because of photography, but so that people knew they were there.

all at once.

the themes explored, the majesty of the sphinx, the nuances, the odors, the lighting as they came into the space, shafted by the slotted windows high above...it made an indelible mark.

---

" summa summah "

---

the dank shift in the air signal the looming thunderstorm approaching. the leaves and branches of nearby trees sway and brush against each other producing the sound of waves crashing and ebbing. dark clouds linger over the distant city.

but we persevere on in our defiance and acceptance of this transition. plans are made, barbeques  are being lit, the daylight is savored, and no matter what we feel about the significance of the day, friendship, goodly neighbor-ship, and the consumption of burgers is on the docket.

so fie on the impending rains, fie on not engaging with your fellow people, and fie on everything but positive energies in the world. we can hold this day of rest as one of a template of days where we may have opportunity to show respect, remembrance, and implement the practice of goodwill.

tonight's homework:

be safe, take care of each other, invite people to kick it.

---

" learning to eat better "

---

the day i turned 30 years old, i traveled back to the bay area in central coast california. i felt like i should be home for the occasion, and luckily the scheduling worked out. the moment when i turned 30, i was sitting in the back of my parent's VW camper van going into east bay over the span of the richmond-san rafael bridge. all about me there was a quiet whirring of tires on smooth surfaces, the ethereal soft fog haze enveloping most of the bay waters, and i felt as if in a blissful dream. in the distance i could see the san francisco skyline gleaming in the early afternoon. i was heading home and 15 mins from my place of birth.

the day after my body was different. ha! i felt like all the celebratory reveling has stuck to my bones, cardio made me super tired, and my joints all felt creaky. thoughts of the furture come into sharp focus. one where i would be falling apart little by little. sprains, breaks, cracks, aches, pains both sharp and dull at the same time. it was not a beauty of a thought.

when i returned back to nyc from that lovely trip, i thought about what i put in my body, and how it defines how it feels, looks, reacts, exists? what a sobering shitty realization that you're not going to be invincible forever. everything is finite? jeez. life in my 30's has been all about maintenance, and it doesn't look like this is going to shift anytime soon.

still, i think i eat fairly well. on any given week, i have a bunch of kale, homemade juices, vegetables, super salad, fresh fish, clean healthy, sustainable goods, etc. of course this is all metered with pancakes, various meats, of course bacon, maple syrup, ice creams (plural), and dense cakes, all in my face mouth gut body. that weight of pleasure from indulgent foods always outweighs the energy-packed nutrition-rich ones. it's a difficult balance.

just like everything else, moderation is key. healthful foods & indulgent ones, life, love, anger, healing, pleasure and pain. you can have it all for sure, you just need to begin to plan for the method of which to include it all into your life.

now that i'm actively trying to make an attempt to eat better, feel better, love better, exercise better, be better, it's more like rediscovering my earlier self with the knowledge i have at the moment. i am time traveling through my existence, and the beautiful hazy dream is now my reality.

tonight's homework:

make a plan to take better care of yourself. it's most definitely not too late to treat yourself right.

---

" in the right place "

---

dappled sunlight coming through the leaves of a tall looming tree with thick branches and it sways in the afternoon breeze.

warm luxurious air about. friends laughter permeates though the sounds of a crackling hot BBQ half-sphere. the juices sizzle as the white-hot hickory charcoal gleams a deep amber with white whiskers.

just beautiful beautiful beautiful everything. all good things exist in this space and time. we are not affected by anything happening outside the radius of the visible block.

dance songs echo through the studio room attached to the terrace deck, and we remove our shoes.

tonight's homework:

welcome summer into the fray, and get your feet wet.

---

" polaroid orange "

---

nothing like finding your old cameras just tucked away in your room and remembering that it is still fully functional.

nothing like asking for someone to mail you said camera from cali > nyc and also receiving it in a care package alongside another (!) polaroid cam they found!

nothing like discovering that not only did it have an old film pack inside, but after some finagling, you could replace the pack battery so that you could use said film package.

nothing like testing out the film & camera's prowess while out in the world running errands with a great friend, and finding that despite the fact that the film is expired from 2003, there still is an image.

nothing like reeling with all the myriad of strange and curious possibilities of what beautiful and alluring images you can now play around with.

tonight's homework:

good times only.

---

" a platform at all times "

---

if you have something to say, speak. let the words ring out clear like the peal of a brass bell in the city square. there is no time like the present. there is no time to waste in silence.

you will be listened to; you will be heard.

---

" the carnivore's manifesto "

---

big ups to mr. patrick martins of slow food USA and heritage foods USA, on the debut of his new book, "the carnivore's manifesto, eating well, responsibly, and eating meat."

if you dig on delicious, sustainable, and informed meat consumption, this is pretty much your new bible.

and a nice super high five to his lovely wife anne saxelby who's reputation in the cheese world is extensive and prolific. peep out both of their dope stores at the essex street market in manhattan.

...i'm hungry now.

---

" break down to build up "

---

there's so much, there's so much. how to make it all organized and manageable, and is that even the point? can we exist amidst the tiny chaos of everyday?

films, pop culture, sickness, food trends, local news, international news, friends, family, cleanliness, arts & mixed media, attending musical events, learning how to dance, people-watching, karaoke, bike rides, dating, clothing choices, toothpaste with or without tartar control, airplane travel versus train travel, it's so much, and endless.

it's enough to know it all exists, and to recognize that it all exists, there is a great relief off the shoulders. there is no rush to have to understand it all. it's going to be there if you want it to or not. stop writing, shower, go to sleep.wake up tomorrow and give it your best go of it.

tonight's homework:

it's alright to be overwhelmed. we're basically on the craziest spaceship ever right now. take a rest, regroup, and i'll see you tomorrow.

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