" an adjustment towards sunlight "

---

summer fridays and bright even light blazing through the branches of the swaying trees which line the street.

caressing shadows fawn over the tiled walls, and you see the perfect spot for someone to fit right into the geometry of the wall.

when you see the image in your mind, and have it come out so great, so close to how you envisioned it, these are the moments which sustain you.

these are the hope-bringers that you did something meaningful, and can go on to realize other dreams as well, no matter how large or small.

---

—- 
 time is fleeting. there is little of it left, and so many things to do. how will you spend it? being idle and uninterested? uninterested people are uninteresting, and add absolutely nothing to the whole everything. 
 have an opinion, be someone of note, make your presence known and felt and seen and heard. 
 this image represents the beginning of the end of this film stock i’ve cobbled/hoarded together. in total 1800 shots. color to black & white. back to high contrast gray areas. back to tones and shadows. back to curves and reflections which remain bold and subtle at the same time. 
 this lovely stretch is your time, and from this day on, you must persevere; attempt to make yourself happy and find a meaning in your life. it is very much worth it, and it will mark your life for the better of all whom you interact with. 
 there is less and less time in each passing moment. and many things to accomplish before the end. many places to go, things to see, foods to eat, loves to love, shoes to walk around in endlessly until there are no paths left. 
 —-

—-

time is fleeting. there is little of it left, and so many things to do. how will you spend it? being idle and uninterested? uninterested people are uninteresting, and add absolutely nothing to the whole everything.

have an opinion, be someone of note, make your presence known and felt and seen and heard.

this image represents the beginning of the end of this film stock i’ve cobbled/hoarded together. in total 1800 shots. color to black & white. back to high contrast gray areas. back to tones and shadows. back to curves and reflections which remain bold and subtle at the same time.

this lovely stretch is your time, and from this day on, you must persevere; attempt to make yourself happy and find a meaning in your life. it is very much worth it, and it will mark your life for the better of all whom you interact with.

there is less and less time in each passing moment. and many things to accomplish before the end. many places to go, things to see, foods to eat, loves to love, shoes to walk around in endlessly until there are no paths left.

—-

—- 
 each day in sweet contemplation on all facets, all ideas flourishing, all ideas brewing, all the loves, all the deaths, all the future travels from here to there to here to there. a meditation, a consultation with the Self, a conversation. 
 we spend so much of our time in states of doubt and confusion, of course it will affect us, but perhaps with more practice and active awareness, we begin to transcend the default of those reactions. 
 when you can notice your fear and anger rising, you can begin to measure your response. as in most things both mental & physical, the thought is known, forms, and makes itself present. 
 the thoughts and feelings may alter, but the body still reels and swells with emotion. the body remains most honest and echoes long after. and we may also alter and temper our reactions with active practice. 
 whether in fury or in affection, the sensations wash throughout from the top of the head to the bottoms of the soles of the feet, and each sensation sublime. 
 —-

—-

each day in sweet contemplation on all facets, all ideas flourishing, all ideas brewing, all the loves, all the deaths, all the future travels from here to there to here to there. a meditation, a consultation with the Self, a conversation.

we spend so much of our time in states of doubt and confusion, of course it will affect us, but perhaps with more practice and active awareness, we begin to transcend the default of those reactions.

when you can notice your fear and anger rising, you can begin to measure your response. as in most things both mental & physical, the thought is known, forms, and makes itself present.

the thoughts and feelings may alter, but the body still reels and swells with emotion. the body remains most honest and echoes long after. and we may also alter and temper our reactions with active practice.

whether in fury or in affection, the sensations wash throughout from the top of the head to the bottoms of the soles of the feet, and each sensation sublime.

—-

—- 
 tonight’s homework: 
 make a formative and to the best of your abilities, a comprehensive list of all of the things, objects, people, and situations you love. 
 some on mine for example would be my parents, brother, family, friends, exes, collaborators, homemade pizzas, ramen, fried eggs, pancakes, wandering, curiosity-fueled explorations, kissing, hand-holding, sitting quietly, cinema/theatre/movie-watching, the opera, ice creams, driving short distances, road trips, traveling through a culture not my own, smelling new smells, tasting new tastes, swimming in the ocean, meeting strangers and becoming friends, gadgets, camera equipment, photo shoots, portraiture, thailand street food, paintings, museum spaces and the people who inhabit them albeit for brief and fleeting moments. 
 and much much more… 
 perhaps make this list and keep adding to it. your interests, your loves, your desires, your missions in life, your dreams. 
 having this list all the time, and at the ready is a great reminder to see later on, on those days where you find yourself unsure of yourself, unsure of your dreams & desires, and unsure of your path. 
 these listed items will not only serve as a base from which you may venture forth anew with a sense of renewed confidence, but as markers of what to look for to guide you in the future. 
 they may shift and change; altering the list may be painful at times, and at times very satisfying. but in the long run, you’ll end up feeling that at least at one time, you had an opinion about something. you felt very sure at one time that these were those things, objects, people, and situations you love. 
 you had a truth, you lived by them, and they gave you strength. 
 —-

—-

tonight’s homework:

make a formative and to the best of your abilities, a comprehensive list of all of the things, objects, people, and situations you love.

some on mine for example would be my parents, brother, family, friends, exes, collaborators, homemade pizzas, ramen, fried eggs, pancakes, wandering, curiosity-fueled explorations, kissing, hand-holding, sitting quietly, cinema/theatre/movie-watching, the opera, ice creams, driving short distances, road trips, traveling through a culture not my own, smelling new smells, tasting new tastes, swimming in the ocean, meeting strangers and becoming friends, gadgets, camera equipment, photo shoots, portraiture, thailand street food, paintings, museum spaces and the people who inhabit them albeit for brief and fleeting moments.

and much much more…

perhaps make this list and keep adding to it. your interests, your loves, your desires, your missions in life, your dreams.

having this list all the time, and at the ready is a great reminder to see later on, on those days where you find yourself unsure of yourself, unsure of your dreams & desires, and unsure of your path.

these listed items will not only serve as a base from which you may venture forth anew with a sense of renewed confidence, but as markers of what to look for to guide you in the future.

they may shift and change; altering the list may be painful at times, and at times very satisfying. but in the long run, you’ll end up feeling that at least at one time, you had an opinion about something. you felt very sure at one time that these were those things, objects, people, and situations you love.

you had a truth, you lived by them, and they gave you strength.

—-

—- 
 you have to want it so bad, more than anything else, and will it into existence. from the heart up through the brain-stem to the senses to the skin to the meat & musculature to the bones. 
 if it’s anything i’ve learned from the entirety of my life thus far, it’s that there is not the sort of magic that you believed in as a child. the whole of growing up and through to early adolescence leads up to the eventual realization that there are no easy answers. 
 everything is amazingly complex and multifaceted, filled with nuances and intimate delicacy. how i’ve been so confident in my youth, and at present feel very strong that i alone am the one that must put the effort into it all, or nothing will come of all those desires and dreams. 
 you are owed nothing, and there are no absolutes. it’s all the gray area in between, thick like a fog of your own device. how it lifts and clears in entirely up to you. 
 and if you have a belief in me and mines, i will have a belief in you and yours. 
 —-

—-

you have to want it so bad, more than anything else, and will it into existence. from the heart up through the brain-stem to the senses to the skin to the meat & musculature to the bones.

if it’s anything i’ve learned from the entirety of my life thus far, it’s that there is not the sort of magic that you believed in as a child. the whole of growing up and through to early adolescence leads up to the eventual realization that there are no easy answers.

everything is amazingly complex and multifaceted, filled with nuances and intimate delicacy. how i’ve been so confident in my youth, and at present feel very strong that i alone am the one that must put the effort into it all, or nothing will come of all those desires and dreams.

you are owed nothing, and there are no absolutes. it’s all the gray area in between, thick like a fog of your own device. how it lifts and clears in entirely up to you.

and if you have a belief in me and mines, i will have a belief in you and yours.

—-

—-

here’s to never fleeing from something, but always running towards something. to finding strange moments within the travel, to riding trains to far destinations, to walking the distance.

you’re always present with yourself, so what does it matter if your feet want to go left or right? eventually you may have the option to choose both, or an entirely different set of options. if time is short, of course you must choose. but what if your weekend is open and free for the scheduling of your choosing?

what elation and opportunity! what raw and unbridled emptiness could be filled to the brim with unknown discoveries! plural!

i’m always moving never stopping, so you be too, and maybe our paths will parallel. and maybe they will cross and tangent into other tributaries. but we’ll have had the great pleasure to have witnessed each other, adventuring in the world, smiling wide with teeth exposed reeling with a sense of such completeness.

—-

—-

slipped through my fingers and the winds kicked up. disappeared behind the rush of a passing train. i turned around, and you vanished. out of my presence, out of view, out of reach.

in all of these places i’ve loved you. i’ve despised you. i’ve missed you, pined for you, lost you.

but i do see you there in the details. the echoes and the memories which manifest like phantoms of the past. and just like those blessed and beautifully delicate memories, they continue to haunt me, both good and bad ones. hopes among the despair, glimmers of gladness in the shuffle.

and they shape who i have become and continue to be. things happened like they happened, and of course it’s fine. this is the grasp of a linear life.

what a lovely tragedy, this melancholic existence. we are destined to feel from the first to the last, and in all that exquisite sustained lifetime in between.

—-

—-

we keep our heads above the waters, bobbing and treading as waves lull and roil about in this ocean of unknowns.

we’re doing the best we can, and non one will ever know how it feels. the most we can do is empathize and promise to take care of the business at hand at the time, in the moment, on the day, in due time.

we are meeting each other in the existing spaces, and can only find the words if the words come. sometimes we talk for hours and have meaningful exchanges.

sometimes we sit in the silence of each others company, need no words, and have meaningful exchanges.

—-

—- 
  one year ago , i  began this blog  as a way to provide myself with a space to slow down from the at-the-time frenetic immediacy of my digital work. 
 i began to consider my basics again, as well as pare down on the gadgetry of a certain modern version of machinery that did the thinking for you. 
 choosing the polaroid land camera has allowed me to incorporate what beautiful confusion comes with letting go of all the precision, and leaves that sense of wonderment and magic intact. 
 the process of learning this camera is still a surprise. where it has strengths and weaknesses. where those subtle shifts in use or repair influence the outcomes. still fun and evolves each day. it’s like a portable therapeutic instrument which flexes and is patient. 
 i’ve brought this camera (along with a few others) with me at least every day since purchasing it, and have not stopped shooting. i hope to continue its use through all the films i find which are compatible, and then after the entire stock of the universe is disappeared, i’ll probably turn it into a lamp or planter, so that another great beauty may grow from its skeleton. 
 many thanks to all followers and supporters. it has been and continues to be a great pleasure. 
 —-

—-

one year ago, i began this blog as a way to provide myself with a space to slow down from the at-the-time frenetic immediacy of my digital work.

i began to consider my basics again, as well as pare down on the gadgetry of a certain modern version of machinery that did the thinking for you.

choosing the polaroid land camera has allowed me to incorporate what beautiful confusion comes with letting go of all the precision, and leaves that sense of wonderment and magic intact.

the process of learning this camera is still a surprise. where it has strengths and weaknesses. where those subtle shifts in use or repair influence the outcomes. still fun and evolves each day. it’s like a portable therapeutic instrument which flexes and is patient.

i’ve brought this camera (along with a few others) with me at least every day since purchasing it, and have not stopped shooting. i hope to continue its use through all the films i find which are compatible, and then after the entire stock of the universe is disappeared, i’ll probably turn it into a lamp or planter, so that another great beauty may grow from its skeleton.

many thanks to all followers and supporters. it has been and continues to be a great pleasure.

—-

—- 
 some nights you have to embrace the close-quarter chaotic rumbling mouth-hot chatterbox echo overlapping grit gold neon flashing subterranean hollows of new york. 
 its embrace is a slightly uncomfortable alluring and confusing one, but what variety. what distinction and electricity. 
 the successful navigation through the multitudes of long faces and loud contortions both invigorates and restores. it becomes a rite and method of passage. 
 and at times you find yourself flush with a wide beam of spreading elation, traveling like the tributaries of lightning throughout your entirety. 
 —-

—-

some nights you have to embrace the close-quarter chaotic rumbling mouth-hot chatterbox echo overlapping grit gold neon flashing subterranean hollows of new york.

its embrace is a slightly uncomfortable alluring and confusing one, but what variety. what distinction and electricity.

the successful navigation through the multitudes of long faces and loud contortions both invigorates and restores. it becomes a rite and method of passage.

and at times you find yourself flush with a wide beam of spreading elation, traveling like the tributaries of lightning throughout your entirety.

—-

—- 
 thirty seconds between a lingering observation, a composition, and a few metered breaths. things settle. the lungs expand, the eyes blink then wander up and around, then back to center. 
 after the shutter is depressed, the anticipation builds. we make out the outlines in our heads while making small talk. i usually ask a few tangential questions to fill the time with chatter. but it is never wasted or frivolous. 
 i those precious seconds, i give my all. i give up the ghost. 
 i am and remain transparent. 
 smiles are easy to come by, and for a brief second, there is a brief flash of concern or nervousness. that makes the whole experience more human, and definitely more interesting. 
 in my head, a timer sounds. i place the unpeeled print in the hands of the sitter. hesitation mixes with a sense of the unknown. we create mystery and allure together. 
 the backing material and chemistry separates from the developed image, and now we see what beauty we’ve made. 
 —-

—-

thirty seconds between a lingering observation, a composition, and a few metered breaths. things settle. the lungs expand, the eyes blink then wander up and around, then back to center.

after the shutter is depressed, the anticipation builds. we make out the outlines in our heads while making small talk. i usually ask a few tangential questions to fill the time with chatter. but it is never wasted or frivolous.

i those precious seconds, i give my all. i give up the ghost.

i am and remain transparent.

smiles are easy to come by, and for a brief second, there is a brief flash of concern or nervousness. that makes the whole experience more human, and definitely more interesting.

in my head, a timer sounds. i place the unpeeled print in the hands of the sitter. hesitation mixes with a sense of the unknown. we create mystery and allure together.

the backing material and chemistry separates from the developed image, and now we see what beauty we’ve made.

—-

—- 
 one talent to nurture in this life is how to seek out good people. supporters of your crazy ideas and dreams, collaborators on wild notions, muses, cohorts, comrades. 
 these are your trusted compatriots with which you may divulge your secrets. these are the ones who will get you out of a pickle, help to fix a problem, or allay fears in moments of distress. 
 the complexities of daily living require simple solutions, and the survival tactic of being able to seek like-minded caretakers, will be something tremendously beneficial which will span your entire life. 
 —-

—-

one talent to nurture in this life is how to seek out good people. supporters of your crazy ideas and dreams, collaborators on wild notions, muses, cohorts, comrades.

these are your trusted compatriots with which you may divulge your secrets. these are the ones who will get you out of a pickle, help to fix a problem, or allay fears in moments of distress.

the complexities of daily living require simple solutions, and the survival tactic of being able to seek like-minded caretakers, will be something tremendously beneficial which will span your entire life.

—-

—- 
 strength, perseverance, vindication, exploration. these are some certain traits of ours which seek out truths. we want answers to our inquiries. we want justice for our injustices. 
 we want a solace and a serenity. 
 at times, we feel like a sea-boat atilt upon choppy waters, cast off from unsecured docks where the piers lack proper moorings or bays. 
 rain or shine, day or night, fog or sleet, we are craving a balance. if you stick to your heart, we’re going to achieve it. 
 —-

—-

strength, perseverance, vindication, exploration. these are some certain traits of ours which seek out truths. we want answers to our inquiries. we want justice for our injustices.

we want a solace and a serenity.

at times, we feel like a sea-boat atilt upon choppy waters, cast off from unsecured docks where the piers lack proper moorings or bays.

rain or shine, day or night, fog or sleet, we are craving a balance. if you stick to your heart, we’re going to achieve it.

—-

—- 
 one day. just one day in your radiant light. the long beams wrapping around the entirety of my body. i am home in this light. 
 i am whole and outside the realm of fear. pain, disillusionment, ire, frustration, illness, worry, fragmentation, and isolation. 
 they are not even factors or attributes of the venn diagram of our intersection. meeting like this, the nearness, the mere cilia away from one another, it is a form of timelessness. 
 a romance without clear edges, and a truth without the need for visual confirmation, this love remains powerful beyond the confines of decay. 
 a true line of love and affection, definite and bold, always reaching end to end past the known horizon. 
 —-

—-

one day. just one day in your radiant light. the long beams wrapping around the entirety of my body. i am home in this light.

i am whole and outside the realm of fear. pain, disillusionment, ire, frustration, illness, worry, fragmentation, and isolation.

they are not even factors or attributes of the venn diagram of our intersection. meeting like this, the nearness, the mere cilia away from one another, it is a form of timelessness.

a romance without clear edges, and a truth without the need for visual confirmation, this love remains powerful beyond the confines of decay.

a true line of love and affection, definite and bold, always reaching end to end past the known horizon.

—-

—- 
 joyful raucous screaming and shrieks and laughter and cooing are heard with crystalline clarity as they travel the invisible line of brain-reaction-throat-mouth-tongue-teeth-lips-air-ear-brain-body-soul-ether. 
 brilliant lights gleam through pinholes in a rainbow of motorized beams, flickering and flitting past our closed eyelids. 
 there is nothing like this. there are many things like this. 
 each moment is pure trajectory from weighted to anti-gravitational. our songs are heard, our spirits soar, and each one of us has a private delight made public. 
 —-

—-

joyful raucous screaming and shrieks and laughter and cooing are heard with crystalline clarity as they travel the invisible line of brain-reaction-throat-mouth-tongue-teeth-lips-air-ear-brain-body-soul-ether.

brilliant lights gleam through pinholes in a rainbow of motorized beams, flickering and flitting past our closed eyelids.

there is nothing like this. there are many things like this.

each moment is pure trajectory from weighted to anti-gravitational. our songs are heard, our spirits soar, and each one of us has a private delight made public.

—-

—- 
 on the first day of spring here in nyc, i walked around until i found the ideal image of the day. 
 it was one of great attraction, an obvious great timing, and of course the choice content. 
 mid/late afternoon glowing golden light throughout the buildings. we at times find ourselves to in awe, that when faced with utter reality, it seems manufactured. 
 i was just so supremely content to know that this particular scene was shown to me at the end of a day losing steam. 
 what a beauty. 
 —-

—-

on the first day of spring here in nyc, i walked around until i found the ideal image of the day.

it was one of great attraction, an obvious great timing, and of course the choice content.

mid/late afternoon glowing golden light throughout the buildings. we at times find ourselves to in awe, that when faced with utter reality, it seems manufactured.

i was just so supremely content to know that this particular scene was shown to me at the end of a day losing steam.

what a beauty.

—-

—- 
 going into those dark places where flickering eyes shine in the shadows, we find that our fears and hesitations mistake laughter for menace. 
 nothing is as it seems at all times, and it behooves us as good people to be vigilant of our own interpretations. 
 everything in moderation, whether it be beers & spirits, anxiety & unease, or just misreading the dark dank corners. it’s always better to focus on the deep beauty of a curious observation, then move on. 
 —-

—-

going into those dark places where flickering eyes shine in the shadows, we find that our fears and hesitations mistake laughter for menace.

nothing is as it seems at all times, and it behooves us as good people to be vigilant of our own interpretations.

everything in moderation, whether it be beers & spirits, anxiety & unease, or just misreading the dark dank corners. it’s always better to focus on the deep beauty of a curious observation, then move on.

—-

—- 
 not very good on starting points. i can feel the urge and the desire to engage, but it’s really already happening by then innit? when did it begin? 
 maybe the lesson is to just forgo the beginnings, and just jump right in. find yourself in mid stride, halfway through the first third of a conversation’s worth of confidence, knee-deep in it. 
 just be there, like a projection of the mind already in the real world. it’s not enough to be in the moment, but you have to be in your moment. someone else’s moment will only give you a skewed perspective. 
 —-

—-

not very good on starting points. i can feel the urge and the desire to engage, but it’s really already happening by then innit? when did it begin?

maybe the lesson is to just forgo the beginnings, and just jump right in. find yourself in mid stride, halfway through the first third of a conversation’s worth of confidence, knee-deep in it.

just be there, like a projection of the mind already in the real world. it’s not enough to be in the moment, but you have to be in your moment. someone else’s moment will only give you a skewed perspective.

—-

—- 
 more rain in the forecast last night. and for a moment, it seemed like all the rainwater runoff, was flowing straight into my shoes. 
 the squish squish squish of wet shoes, wet socks, and eventually wet feet. 
 and what can you really do? 
 i mean, each time i feel like breaking out new shoes, it begins to rain. just like each time i feel like my day has gone completely full-tilt bananas, i find out it’s the full moon. 
 things happen, and you deal with them. elevated or serene, these occurrences do not have to define us. you can meet them full-faced and allow them access to your heart-space, where if you wish, they may reside and affect. 
 this ole goddamn long life with my sore muscles down through the meat to the bones…who cares about sopping wet feet in a rainstorm? 
 i’ve other worries and amazing things to attend to. 
 squish squish squish. 
 —-

—-

more rain in the forecast last night. and for a moment, it seemed like all the rainwater runoff, was flowing straight into my shoes.

the squish squish squish of wet shoes, wet socks, and eventually wet feet.

and what can you really do?

i mean, each time i feel like breaking out new shoes, it begins to rain. just like each time i feel like my day has gone completely full-tilt bananas, i find out it’s the full moon.

things happen, and you deal with them. elevated or serene, these occurrences do not have to define us. you can meet them full-faced and allow them access to your heart-space, where if you wish, they may reside and affect.

this ole goddamn long life with my sore muscles down through the meat to the bones…who cares about sopping wet feet in a rainstorm?

i’ve other worries and amazing things to attend to.

squish squish squish.

—-