" a curious day at the museum: a dream "


i was walking the grounds of an old olympic park, when i saw a small crew painting something along the eaves of a roof’s edge of an open forum.

it was like a large curl of a circular wall with about 35 degrees cut out to create the opening in the wall. then there was a curved roof overhead with a hole cut out in the top center of it in the shape of a serene oval, then another roof escalated over the hole with supports. shafts of light beamed into the space bright and soft.

as i got closer, i realized that the thing that was being painted was a whale statue.

then i realized i was in germany or austria.

one man was standing on the fourth rung from the bottom of this orange ladder and painting the underbelly of the whale statue/carving with a medium wide paintbrush on the end of a long wooden stave. his fellow crewman was telling him that he needed to get a bigger brush and move closer, but the painter disregarded that sentiment.

i had my camera and i wanted to photograph the whale.

a tour group entered the space led by an amish tour guide, and they all got in the way of the perfect shot. i waited patiently for a woman in a red tactical north face jacket to get her shot; she talked excitedly with her mother who was nearby, but was paying attention to the tour guide.

after they moved and i got the shot, i looked around the inner walls, and noticed they were all covered with lush green ivy; a living wall which breathed in and out.

i saw a table set up on the far side of the space and walked over to them; there were a lot of informational brochures.

one of the women from the museum i freelance for was at the table and she asked me if i got the letter. “what letter?” i asked back. “the letter from that woman,” she said.

they were trying to set me up on a date, and i was thankful, but didn’t receive a letter.

i walked out of the area and down to a clear open lake where all the tourists were swimming with their children.

then i woke up.


" learning to eat better "


the day i turned 30 years old, i traveled back to the bay area in central coast california. i felt like i should be home for the occasion, and luckily the scheduling worked out. the moment when i turned 30, i was sitting in the back of my parent's VW camper van going into east bay over the span of the richmond-san rafael bridge. all about me there was a quiet whirring of tires on smooth surfaces, the ethereal soft fog haze enveloping most of the bay waters, and i felt as if in a blissful dream. in the distance i could see the san francisco skyline gleaming in the early afternoon. i was heading home and 15 mins from my place of birth.

the day after my body was different. ha! i felt like all the celebratory reveling has stuck to my bones, cardio made me super tired, and my joints all felt creaky. thoughts of the furture come into sharp focus. one where i would be falling apart little by little. sprains, breaks, cracks, aches, pains both sharp and dull at the same time. it was not a beauty of a thought.

when i returned back to nyc from that lovely trip, i thought about what i put in my body, and how it defines how it feels, looks, reacts, exists? what a sobering shitty realization that you're not going to be invincible forever. everything is finite? jeez. life in my 30's has been all about maintenance, and it doesn't look like this is going to shift anytime soon.

still, i think i eat fairly well. on any given week, i have a bunch of kale, homemade juices, vegetables, super salad, fresh fish, clean healthy, sustainable goods, etc. of course this is all metered with pancakes, various meats, of course bacon, maple syrup, ice creams (plural), and dense cakes, all in my face mouth gut body. that weight of pleasure from indulgent foods always outweighs the energy-packed nutrition-rich ones. it's a difficult balance.

just like everything else, moderation is key. healthful foods & indulgent ones, life, love, anger, healing, pleasure and pain. you can have it all for sure, you just need to begin to plan for the method of which to include it all into your life.

now that i'm actively trying to make an attempt to eat better, feel better, love better, exercise better, be better, it's more like rediscovering my earlier self with the knowledge i have at the moment. i am time traveling through my existence, and the beautiful hazy dream is now my reality.

tonight's homework:

make a plan to take better care of yourself. it's most definitely not too late to treat yourself right.



just leaving the house in the morning feels like a chore. but it’s in the making of that feeling into the belief that you’ll find amazing experiences in the world, that makes it worth whole.

you can do good out there, you can meet cool people out there, you can get exercise out there, you can find and eat delicious things out there, you can make eye contact out there, you can make heart contact out there.

at a time where heading home, eating horribly lazy, slumping into the couch or bed, and then internetting yourself to bed is the norm, plan an excursion into the unknown.

or in the least, make a phone call, and create plans for you and a friend. it’s too interesting out there to make a habit of staying in.

(p.s. - a splash of color in these next few posts because i was gifted some old FP-100C from 2004. it’s pretty wonky so far! fun!)



many congratulations to my peeps opening their grocery store “bed-stuy fresh and local" and best wishes for prosperity after the grand opening.

last night was their tasting party, and many local vendors, neighbors and patrons came out in a full force.

good times, good vibes.

if you happen to be in bed stuy and want to support a new business which is attempting to infuse the neighborhood with healthful foods at an affordable price, peep game and check them out.

opening day is december 23rd.