" finding the right words: a dream "

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it was morning time and the sunbeams were streaming into the kitchen. i had people over for the night and we were making an omelet.

in a large pan i had sauteed garlic and onions, and put in a clutch of kale for color and nutrition.

patrick came into the kitchen and said that he wanted to help out, so i asked him to get the eggs ready. i thought to myself that this really wasn’t a hard task, and i was thinking that he should just take the eggs from the fridge, out of the carton, and place them on the table behind me.

everyone behind me was laughing and having a good time chatting in the sunlight, and i wanted to join in, so i turned around and joined them while the mushrooms went into the pan and started to cook.

a moment later, patrick said he already put the eggs into the pan, and i turned around, because i felt that something was amiss.

“aw maaaan!,” i yelled out loud but not in a mean way. “why would you put a bunch of hard-boiled eggs into the pan!”

“i don’t know, that’s what you said to do,” he replied. i think that he thought i was yelling at him mad, but everyone else laughed because it was funny that i was crazy about the state of the eggs.

he left the kitchen after he got frustrated with me, and i made a mental note to apologize to him later.

then i went to get some eggs out of the carton on the table, and one of the eggs was cracked already so it fell out of the carton and onto my hand and then slid out and plopped onto the rangetop.

“oh noooooooo!” i screamed, while everyone else laughed at my comeuppance.

i realized that breakfast was going to be made a little later than planned, and then i woke up laughing.

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" letting go of it "

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finding yourself at the edges of all that grudge, ire, frustration and pain, and tiring of the burden of it. the massive weight upon your shoulders like a vice grip of red electricity and the enormity of the earth at rest.

you come to an understanding like a well lit corridor which you walk down the length of until you discover a certain truth in an opening behind a dark door.

you don't need to hold on to this weight any longer.

coming to this realization fills you up with such anger towards yourself for being so blind and hateful for so long. this dissipates into the most profound searing soothing hope coursing throughout.

for just the briefest of moments you pay a small unnecessary homage to your heavy cloak of past misfortune; you sometimes felt that you deserved that self-inflicted treatment. and just like the sometimes blissful transition from dreams into awakedness, or the emergence from a dark tunnel into an open field, you find that you have made a choice.

one to move beyond your limitations, one to forego all past notions of doubt, woe, regret, and sorrow.

you can be free of it, and you are soaring.

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" sky access "

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it's so much lovelier here that i imagined. a convex/concave double-mirror'd world installed on an astrotuf hillock. and why not at all?

sublime design within simple shapes. this is the portal to a form of heaven on earth.

a lightness of being, the laughter of these small children lifting the weights of gravity off my shoulders,

and i lift away.

tonight's homework:

find a release in a moment, respect the purity of that moment, and let it extend towards its natural end. there are such beautiful occurrences throughout the day. i'm wishing you the best in locating just a one.

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" you are golden "

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dear to me you are gold. constant, malleable, distinct. up close or far away, near in my heart, and make me a better person.

a beauty beyond compare, neither pure or distasteful because of impurities. rather you become more and more and more each day, lovely and a reminder of all the nigh indescribable wonder in the world.

tonight's homework:

remind people how much they mean to you. i bet they already know, but it's always nice to hear and relay. cook a meal together with someone, watch a film, mingle, hug, exist in simple blisses of your own creation.

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" slipping slowly into a season "

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hello hot mornings leading to hot afternoons, welcome swelter and heatwaves on black tar streets.

hello rumbling thunderstorms and looming clouds. find a seat delicious ice creams from oft-queued parlors.

entree vous i'm home and removes pants immediately. howdy doo a/c on full with a fan action.

wonderful to see you outdoor seating with snacks and laughter. and good tidings to the lightning bugs at nighttime.

it is all wonderful to be entranced by your summer'd ways. i very much look forward to the time we have left together.

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" good medicine "

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kindness, patience, calm, meditation, healthy eating, healthy thinking and actions, brilliant ideas as a result of sleeping deeply & well, catnaps too, being confident in the face of fear, being humble in the face of praise.glances, approaches, kisses and physical touch.

making a connection with at least one other human in person per day. making someone feel great about themselves. drinking plenty of water. moisturizing often. love your parents, family, partners, other people, strangers, everyone.

touching someone's life with goodness, aide, cooking, arts & crafts time, movie-watching, activities! finding the positive and optimistic and venerable in each person.

getting close, getting good with life itself.

getting by.

second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, until the stars turn cold.

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" on nearby shores "

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sunlight on my face. closed eyes, and how the entire world goes an amber-red glow.

warm summer breeze clutching and clinging to my face like a whiplash flurry of kisses on the cheek.

the smell of the open ocean in the distance, and the guttural hum of the vessel mingling with the sounds of far off bellows.

riding along the chop and currents, we're making our way to the island.

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" you are not alone "

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chin up!

our moment here is so brief, but the lasting effects of our lives are so long. you're making an impact each day, and everyone notices.

the most simple action has significant impact, sometimes without you noticing. there is love, positive energy, bliss, and solace in your every interaction.

this is not to say do the bare minimum. be out in the world. walk the streets and paths through the city, town, village. the more time you put into seeing the world around you, the more you'll benefit from being in it.

the more care you put into your relationships and conversations, the more you're gleam and shimmer.

whenever you feel down, know that you are that special ingredient which makes it all worthwhile. there is no one quite like you, and even in those times you feel like you don't deserve it, you are praised, needed, wanted, desired, and integral to this whole thing.

tonight's homework:

the universe is so much better with you in it, so leave that desk, talk a stroll, and see what fantastic mischief you can get yourself into.

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" the end of things is the beginning "

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sometimes the good news is bad news while bad news is still bad news, screaming is pleasurable though you go hoarse, crying is happiness and your guts ache with joy, cuts are thrilling though the thrill is breif, pain is exhilerating while a soft touch excruciating. 

we revel in this gray area emotional wonderland of reality and fantasy mashing all the best parts together. if there a true sense of happiness without the somber, or a sense of the self without the sense of mortality? how can you know a true contentment until you know where the parameters of the spectrum are?

i am the interconnected three-dimensional venn diagram with so may shaded-in areas, who could help but notice the Self that i am. my certain flavor is so complex, some do not know how to react; am i a relief or a menace?

sometimes the end of things are the beginning, and we've nothing to do but ponder, meet it at the gates, allow it in, and deal with the crossing of the line. too many things intersect at the same time to think of anything as a straight line. so take a moment, and feel free to move on.

tonight's homework:

ake some time to reevaluate your true interests. are they safe? are they detrimental? do they make you proud? would the continuation of them make your parents blush? have a think upon your base motivations, and see where that line of thought takes you. i bet more than anything, you'll rediscover that you may have been correct about yourself all along, and that nothing at all is wrong with anything.

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" outside the universe while inside the universe "

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beauty beauty beauty all around. the sun hangs low, and we see these brief moments where everything is in alignment.

you have to stop. you are compelled to revel in the scene. and it becomes so much more than the glimpse of initial interest.

you are moved. you are transported. you are beyond the curtain of reality, and nothing else matters in that instance. you can see beyond the ether; you find solace and fulfillment.

it can be silly things which draw you in, but the pattern and the lines, the way they intersect or parallel, sometimes barely touching which gives some places a near indescribable sense of true elegance.

tonight's homework:

keep an eye out for people, places, or objects which catch your eye. it will change your entire life to behold.

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" no good-byes, just see-you-next-times "

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adventure adventure adventure for all the rest of our days.

we find ourselves at the end of a brief sojourn, the winds from both rivers brushing against the entirety of our bodies. grass beneath our feet, solid ground, shifting plates, moving planet.

best of luck from now until then.

tonight's homework:

sunshine, discovery, curiosity, glorious bewilderment, wide soul smile sun bright blissed out.

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" learning to eat better "

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the day i turned 30 years old, i traveled back to the bay area in central coast california. i felt like i should be home for the occasion, and luckily the scheduling worked out. the moment when i turned 30, i was sitting in the back of my parent's VW camper van going into east bay over the span of the richmond-san rafael bridge. all about me there was a quiet whirring of tires on smooth surfaces, the ethereal soft fog haze enveloping most of the bay waters, and i felt as if in a blissful dream. in the distance i could see the san francisco skyline gleaming in the early afternoon. i was heading home and 15 mins from my place of birth.

the day after my body was different. ha! i felt like all the celebratory reveling has stuck to my bones, cardio made me super tired, and my joints all felt creaky. thoughts of the furture come into sharp focus. one where i would be falling apart little by little. sprains, breaks, cracks, aches, pains both sharp and dull at the same time. it was not a beauty of a thought.

when i returned back to nyc from that lovely trip, i thought about what i put in my body, and how it defines how it feels, looks, reacts, exists? what a sobering shitty realization that you're not going to be invincible forever. everything is finite? jeez. life in my 30's has been all about maintenance, and it doesn't look like this is going to shift anytime soon.

still, i think i eat fairly well. on any given week, i have a bunch of kale, homemade juices, vegetables, super salad, fresh fish, clean healthy, sustainable goods, etc. of course this is all metered with pancakes, various meats, of course bacon, maple syrup, ice creams (plural), and dense cakes, all in my face mouth gut body. that weight of pleasure from indulgent foods always outweighs the energy-packed nutrition-rich ones. it's a difficult balance.

just like everything else, moderation is key. healthful foods & indulgent ones, life, love, anger, healing, pleasure and pain. you can have it all for sure, you just need to begin to plan for the method of which to include it all into your life.

now that i'm actively trying to make an attempt to eat better, feel better, love better, exercise better, be better, it's more like rediscovering my earlier self with the knowledge i have at the moment. i am time traveling through my existence, and the beautiful hazy dream is now my reality.

tonight's homework:

make a plan to take better care of yourself. it's most definitely not too late to treat yourself right.

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" four hours and a sense of adventure "

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when you need to navigate through the streets, run.

when you need to fly through the air, soar.

when you need to express yourself, love with an open heart.

when you need a nap, sleep for days.

there is absolutely no need to lessen this experience. no need to water it down, suss it out, ether your desire, or take a step back from the brink. sometimes, it's the teetering at the edge of all things where we find the skeleton to the body of our worldly participation.

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" sing a song "

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erratic movements, loud clanks and reverb in the darkness. green laser-beams and red pinhole lights sway and jerk in moments along the walls of a certain spastic geometry.

we are raucous chaotic vibration. snacks and alcohol strewn about the table. tomes of songs with the remote wrapped in plastic. tambourines & jodeci/mariah dreams. the microphone has a safety health cover on it "just in case," but just in case of what?

it's 7pm, 8pm, midnight, 1am. the night becomes a beautiful blur. this is cheaper than therapy; it is my therapy. this is my release; i am free. elvis looks on from a static portrait. he blesses us with his immortal crooked smile. the night goes from young to endless, and we ride the tunes raw until we are asked to leave.

this is poetry in motion.

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" the golden hour "

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in a moment of contemplation, i looked out towards the slowly dipping sun. all the hollows of the empty streets glowed amber, and the long shadows crept steadily up the alleyway walls.

there at the end of the day, the everlasting stillness elongated. i could take it all in, think about the entirety of it all. my family, childhood, my loves, my present, my future. in that place, i became the fulcrum for those memories and thoughts, and around me such a warmth.

no regrets in this life. no more doubts, no more pain, no more disappointments, no more broken promises or worry. i looked out and down the long desolation, amongst the outer corridors of the city limits, and remained hopeful for everything.

the outstretched golden arms of the sun released its grip, and the sweet softness of dusk emerged like a fitted cloak about my body.

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" in the right place "

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dappled sunlight coming through the leaves of a tall looming tree with thick branches and it sways in the afternoon breeze.

warm luxurious air about. friends laughter permeates though the sounds of a crackling hot BBQ half-sphere. the juices sizzle as the white-hot hickory charcoal gleams a deep amber with white whiskers.

just beautiful beautiful beautiful everything. all good things exist in this space and time. we are not affected by anything happening outside the radius of the visible block.

dance songs echo through the studio room attached to the terrace deck, and we remove our shoes.

tonight's homework:

welcome summer into the fray, and get your feet wet.

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'' serendipity & other run-ins "

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sometimes you discover yourself after a lifetime of searching.

sometimes you don't even have to actively be looking.

sometimes you realize you've been there right in front of yourself the entire time.

then everything slows and everything comes into perfect clarity.

the idea of home passes through your thoughts, and resides in the structure of your heart, nestled in-between the cell walls, plasma, and oxygen-rich ephemera.

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" polaroid orange "

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nothing like finding your old cameras just tucked away in your room and remembering that it is still fully functional.

nothing like asking for someone to mail you said camera from cali > nyc and also receiving it in a care package alongside another (!) polaroid cam they found!

nothing like discovering that not only did it have an old film pack inside, but after some finagling, you could replace the pack battery so that you could use said film package.

nothing like testing out the film & camera's prowess while out in the world running errands with a great friend, and finding that despite the fact that the film is expired from 2003, there still is an image.

nothing like reeling with all the myriad of strange and curious possibilities of what beautiful and alluring images you can now play around with.

tonight's homework:

good times only.

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" a platform at all times "

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if you have something to say, speak. let the words ring out clear like the peal of a brass bell in the city square. there is no time like the present. there is no time to waste in silence.

you will be listened to; you will be heard.

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" a sign of a time "

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the kentile floors sign is coming down in the gowns area of brooklyn after around 50 years.

when people talk about their anchors shifting and landmarks disappearing, they include changes like these.

the scaffolding less a structure of reenforcement, and more of removal. from sight, from site, from heart.

fare thee well.
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