'' serendipity & other run-ins "

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sometimes you discover yourself after a lifetime of searching.

sometimes you don't even have to actively be looking.

sometimes you realize you've been there right in front of yourself the entire time.

then everything slows and everything comes into perfect clarity.

the idea of home passes through your thoughts, and resides in the structure of your heart, nestled in-between the cell walls, plasma, and oxygen-rich ephemera.

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—- 
 you have to want it so bad, more than anything else, and will it into existence. from the heart up through the brain-stem to the senses to the skin to the meat & musculature to the bones. 
 if it’s anything i’ve learned from the entirety of my life thus far, it’s that there is not the sort of magic that you believed in as a child. the whole of growing up and through to early adolescence leads up to the eventual realization that there are no easy answers. 
 everything is amazingly complex and multifaceted, filled with nuances and intimate delicacy. how i’ve been so confident in my youth, and at present feel very strong that i alone am the one that must put the effort into it all, or nothing will come of all those desires and dreams. 
 you are owed nothing, and there are no absolutes. it’s all the gray area in between, thick like a fog of your own device. how it lifts and clears in entirely up to you. 
 and if you have a belief in me and mines, i will have a belief in you and yours. 
 —-

—-

you have to want it so bad, more than anything else, and will it into existence. from the heart up through the brain-stem to the senses to the skin to the meat & musculature to the bones.

if it’s anything i’ve learned from the entirety of my life thus far, it’s that there is not the sort of magic that you believed in as a child. the whole of growing up and through to early adolescence leads up to the eventual realization that there are no easy answers.

everything is amazingly complex and multifaceted, filled with nuances and intimate delicacy. how i’ve been so confident in my youth, and at present feel very strong that i alone am the one that must put the effort into it all, or nothing will come of all those desires and dreams.

you are owed nothing, and there are no absolutes. it’s all the gray area in between, thick like a fog of your own device. how it lifts and clears in entirely up to you.

and if you have a belief in me and mines, i will have a belief in you and yours.

—-

—-

slipped through my fingers and the winds kicked up. disappeared behind the rush of a passing train. i turned around, and you vanished. out of my presence, out of view, out of reach.

in all of these places i’ve loved you. i’ve despised you. i’ve missed you, pined for you, lost you.

but i do see you there in the details. the echoes and the memories which manifest like phantoms of the past. and just like those blessed and beautifully delicate memories, they continue to haunt me, both good and bad ones. hopes among the despair, glimmers of gladness in the shuffle.

and they shape who i have become and continue to be. things happened like they happened, and of course it’s fine. this is the grasp of a linear life.

what a lovely tragedy, this melancholic existence. we are destined to feel from the first to the last, and in all that exquisite sustained lifetime in between.

—-

—- 
 you catch it in glimpses and shadows fleeting, behind thin veils swaying in a breeze, in snippets of conversation, and in the crash and fury of seaspray upon dense craggy rocks. 
 a whisper of inspiration, a single word of hope, a bellow of confidence, a melody of i am here i am here do you not yet see? 
 there’s no shame in knowing what you want, and not know how to attain it. why else do we step forward? 
 i don’t mind to keep searching for as long as it takes. it’s all out there, just beyond the periphery. 
 —-

—-

you catch it in glimpses and shadows fleeting, behind thin veils swaying in a breeze, in snippets of conversation, and in the crash and fury of seaspray upon dense craggy rocks.

a whisper of inspiration, a single word of hope, a bellow of confidence, a melody of i am here i am here do you not yet see?

there’s no shame in knowing what you want, and not know how to attain it. why else do we step forward?

i don’t mind to keep searching for as long as it takes. it’s all out there, just beyond the periphery.

—-