"upheaval in summer heat "


for the past month or so i've been in a flux. scatterbrained and grasping at the remaining hours in the day just to have enough rest and sleep for my body to function. plans not going exactly as planned.

or rather, everything is going as it went and continues to go. sometimes i feel helpless to these waves which wash over me. am i in control of the tempo and content in my daily life, or am i just a passive participant, making assessments as issues and situations arise, then act based of a proper reading intermingled with a gut reaction? sure, maybe.

i think the heat may be doing something to my brain. the synapses not firing as per usual, the skin constantly hot to the touch, the sense of wellbeing unsettled. i'm falling asleep while watching jeopardy now; it's on at 7pm, and i'm not yet to my 40's. what will happen from now? falling asleep in the street while walking?

so i am resigned to see where it all heads. what becomes of the weary on the traveled road of awakedness? is this the waking dream within a dream? where does the container find its borders, the matte paintings find their seams, and the players find their true motivation within the script? it's all been very exciting, exhausting to be sure, but exciting.

tonight's homework:

wash face, brush teeth, tall glass of clear cold water, fresh sheets, prayers, dreams, waking up refreshed.